TALL: The Afternoon Love Letters

62 letters written with gratitude in the late afternoon
01.01.2015               4:00pm
Hello to a New Year, Dear
Just pulled the ear plugs out of 2014 to propel me into 2015.
To look at me, in snowflake PJ bottoms, gray hoodie-top,
and brown shearling slippers,
one would want to ask, how fast is this propelling force going?
Slow and easy
Easing into this day yet feel a vital force of energy within that
I know will serve me well in this upcoming year.
I’m in the studio where paintings, drawings, collages, art materials,
books, magazines, and winter light enfold me.
Good companions.
What company are you keeping and where?
Thud… the sound of a large raven on the roof.
No, it’s a cat and I can see it’s pointed ears upon a round head
moving across the skylight, my first visitor of the New Year.
Is that you, shape-shifting?
There is no end to the ways we show up for one another.
This delights me.
My senses hear, see, smell, touch, taste, and perceive you
yet it is my Soul who knows you are the counterpoint to all this.
In reflection, you appear within and all around me.
So good to be with you, Beloved.
Started a new series of Symphonic Poems and Drawings 2015

Aspen tree branches lined in golden light
Ginger tea with lemon and local honey
Serenity and Peace within
Writing to you again

01.02.2015               5:30pm
Listening to: Prelude No.2, Michael Camilo. Relaxing Jazz Piano.
Sweetheart, I need this relaxing piece of music;
this peace of sitting down with a cup of ginger, lemon and honey tea,
listening to terrific keys singing and telling you about it.
Very true, the art of writing to you is blissful.
And the measure of my love is infinite therefore I know is reaching you…
as is the light of this nearly full moon that can be seen
through the studio skylight above where I am sitting.
Moon is climbing over the mountains in a clear sky.
This soon to be night is falling all around me.
Somewhere the same moonlight and nightfall are enfolding you.
Let them be my arms and legs.
Do you feel a wave of passion coming over you?
I am wishing it so.
Enjoy it.
I am.
Your love is sending me to the moon and back.
There is no lack of joy and love here.
There is a steady, deep, and buoyant Spirit thoroughly
enjoying the last moments of an afternoon with you.
As day turns to night and stars take flight across the galaxy,
I am dancing with you there, dear, and I am here.

Terrific jazz piano
Lunch with dear friends in their home
Buying all the supplements and vitamins I need for Thyroid
Moonlight and a wonderful Day 2 of 2015

01.03.2014               3:40pm
Settling the pen upon the page to engage you.
Cathedral bells striking the quarter hour indicating it took a full five minutes
from the top of the page to move the ink outward.
I was listening to what sounded to be a high whining pitch of perhaps
a dog crying so I got up from the leather chaise lounge to look outside.
No animal in sight but the ravens in flight across a clear blue canopy.
Earlier I crumbled stale bread and scattered it under a pinon tree.
Feed the birds and prosper.
A pair of mourning doves alighted from the branches as
Pannetone fell freely to the ground.
My feathered guests will be back for dinner.
Each day gets quieter as visitors from all over the world leave Santa Fe
but not without leaving me with an impression.
As I drove up Canyon Road towards home, I saw a lovely, young couple
bundled up in puff coats, scarves, and hip, woolen caps,
turn toward one another, smile, embrace, she up on her tip-toes, deeply kiss.
Time stood still.
I felt transported by their spontaneous expression of passion for all to see.
I noted mentally and emotionally, this is a reflection of you and me.
Thank you for showing up today.
I needed you near me.

Crunchy very good green salad
Talking Chickadee dream
Moving through this day in a stream of personal freedom and solitude
Waking with the idea to combine the elements of Symphonic Poems and Sacred Geometry

01.04.2015               4:51pm
Listening to: Dave Brubeck playing Over the Rainbow. Solo Piano.
Following the notes into the room so as to settle my energy onto the page
after entertaining three friends for lunch and a game of Rummy.
Relaxing and fun.
Sweetheart, start practicing your game now.
It’s a must in the repertoire of fun things to do along with
Scrabble and other card games and cooking.
I do hope you are a cook because I’m looking forward to being fed.
I do love feeding others, too.
We’ll be quite the kitchen team.
A favorite song is being played now… Bill Evans, Peace Piece.
Takes me right where I love to go into the musical ethers.
I am an artist with a musical Soul.
This is the way I live my life
with a sound track scored by the Universal Muse.
Playing now, Chick Corea, Where Have I known You Before.
You have always been with me.
Tonight the galaxy will be aglow with the first Full Moon of Winter.
I have known you to be very close to me in full moon energy.
My heart delights in knowing this so you will find me waving.

Girlfriends and enjoyment
Amazing light
My passionate heart and spirit
Seeing the Grief Flower painting the next day
Thinking of ways to allure you so I can wrap my arms around you

01.05.2015               5:10pm
Feels good to sit down and change the soundtrack from
Pop, She Is Love, to jazz, Prelude to a Kiss, a formidable segue.
I’m a Gemini with a Libra moon rising.
Love variety, change, rapids in rivers and hanging out both below and above.
This morning at 4:30 found me reading If The Buddha Dated.
My mind woke at 3:40am.
Refused every suggestion, prayer, or meditation to be quiet.
I turned on the light and followed the words of a much saner voice
Charlotte Kasl PhD expert on love and dating.
I considered the 60 minutes read a preparation for your arrival.
Here are a few topics discussed:
Seek a true equal; Explore the ways you bond; Fused or Free;
Understanding the path to intimacy; Define what you want;
Define what you have to give; When to trust the power of attraction.
Charlotte suggests writing a Personal Ad
So baby, you better move into a higher and get here!
Or you will be reading all about me in some online dating service.
That’s a yet for me, and who knows, it may be the way we meet.
I like the ad she wrote under the Essence category:
“At the essence level we are in a steady stream of consciousness,
alive to the moment, unconcerned about the past or future,
If we were completely centered in this level,
we probably wouldn’t write an ad.
If we did it might say:
I am asking.

New Symphonic Poems notebook of paintings and drawings
Found my signature and date rubber stamps
Pink veils across the dusk sky and green growth near by SF river
Alice Coltrane, Walk With Me, on Translinear Light

01.06. 2015              5:20pm
Listening to: Pat Methany, Don’t Know Why, Solo version.
Appropo because I’ve been solo for a couple of days
with the exception of errands and walking when I see other creatures.
I’m in the deep end of the creativity pool with the company of my muse.
writing, drawing, painting, collage, cooking, reading, reflecting, looking, listening.
Soft colors, muted sounds in the underwater laps around the studio.
Feels so important to let you know this is how the day flows.
Nutritious meals, healthy snacks and a walk
at that transition time of day waving to the rising moon while the sun sets.
I like writing to you at this time of day.
Brings your energy into the mix.
Did you feel us dancing a few minutes ago to Brown-Eyed Girl?
That would be me with almond shaped, deep brown
with twinkles and a few laugh wrinkles around the edges.
Long shiny hair to match with the swing of youth left in me.
The ageless feelings of passion, expectancy, wonder, awe,
and bliss continue to move me.
Are you moving, too, timelessly through space to meet me
here in this place while we both can shimmy and shake!
I hope you are on your way here.
I’m setting a place at the table for you.

Sacred Love
Dancing through the house into the studio to you
Feeling upbeat
Encouraging a friend to support creativity with all resources

01.07.2015               4:45pm
Listening to: The Man I Love, Enrico Rave, classic jazz roots.
Roots are on my mind.
This past July, my 89-year-old father died after a brief decline with cancer.
I was able to be with him and family for several months up to his death.
For the past eight weeks, I’ve attended a Grief Group.
One of the assignments was to write a letter from my father to myself.
I just completed writing it… a very powerful experience.
The words came quickly, effortlessly.
There was a promise of your arrival and love in my life.
Take note, Dad is on the job!
He brought my sister’s husband to her 35 years ago
for disco dancing lessons in the living room… so 70’s.
I’ll tell you the whole story in person.
It’s straight out of central casting for a romantic comedy.
Do you like films?
I do but don’t see nearly the number I want to.
I’m waiting for a movie-going partner who will share popcorn with me.
We can bring a bag of healthy cheddar puffs, my favorite.
These few moments of being with you are a great comfort.
The choice to remain committed to your arrival,
the promise of a great love gives me the strength
I need to go from day to night and to the last Grief Group.

Thank you for being here for me in Spirit.
Letter from Dad and the help I received from Grief Group
Love and unconditional forgiveness

01.08.2015               5:15pm
Every day there’s a few more minutes of light.
That’s important to me on so many fronts.
I like natural light in the studio, enjoy walks with the sun shining.
My body appreciates natural Vitamin D.
During the winter, it would be best for me to near the beach
in a tropical climate with my bare feet in the sand and surf.
Request entered into the airways!
Today I did not walk except for the steps it takes
to be in the studio, move around the house, and grocery shop.
I worked with a client on her book mid-day.
It’s so stimulating and good for me to be engaged in other’s projects.
By the way, I have a good brain that needs a lot of mental exercise so t
here are activities of all sorts beginning very early
with meditation, prayer, stretching and exercise.
I love to count, write, read, surf the internet, then engage in all the studio work.
I felt frustrated today trying to solve a design problem:
I want to add Sacred Geometry drawings to the Symphonic Poems Project.
Too much?
Dear, I need to be sacredly banged!
That will help express all this geometrical energy.
I want to get horizontal with someone and forget all about this work.
A dangerous aspect of my personality is surfacing and delicious, too.
No promises that I can save this for you.

Honesty… Honestly! 
Imagine … Reimagine your dream

01.09.2015               4:30pm
Listening to: Young and Foolish, Bill Evans; a melodic piano solo
Solo is the genuine vibe of this day with dense cloud cover,
temp hovering at freezing and a little wind now.
I can see the through the skylight the top leafless limbs of Aspen
leaving beautiful contour lines against a pale gray backdrop.
Yes, I like all that for this moment> all is quiet around me and within.
Painted, collaged, and drew.
Gave up the struggle today so everything flowed easily.
In an hour, I’ll leave for a friend’s house where six mature adults
will turn into screaming adolescent competitors
while playing the board game Aggravation.
This is an excellent outlet for my dangerous energy.
There will be a Pot Luck dinner at 6:30 then let the games begin.
Wish you were to go into combat as my partner!
A game player I hope you to be with many laughs in your belly.
The thought of your happiness brings a broad smile across my body.
Wherever you are, may this letter find you light in heart.
I will keep that thoroughly present as
I move from this serene sanctuary into an active evening.
Send me some winning joo-joo.
My love to you!

Feeding the birds
Connecting with a few people long distance via phone and email
Laughing at myself
Applying lots of good lotion everywhere
Clothing my body in cashmere

01.10.2015               6:15pm
Listening to: Thinking Out Loud, Ed Sheehan; X…
“Honey take me into your lovin’ arms,
kiss me under the light of a thousand stars…”
Listening to a different channel, POP, at a later time
 due to going back and forth to ABQ.
I have another leg of this 24 hours;
will be speaking at 7pm… strength, hope, and experience.
Someday, you’ll be seated in the front row.
 I’ll look into your eyes from the front of the room
with deep appreciation.Tonight,
I’ll take that future vision with me while
I look out letting my inner light shine
into the sober eyes of 100 plus people.
Need to hit the refresh button, splash water on my face,
freshen make-up, the little there is,
and head over to the Cathedral.
The Apple Store in ABQ was mobbed.
I investigated the purchase of a new Mac Air notebook;
didn’t come home with one.
Enjoyed the afternoon with a close friend,
getting his car at the airport, lunch, and browsing stores.
A Saturday out of the studio, letting there some space
for the work to breathe; a day off is good.
Cathedral bells are striking the half hour.
This woman needs to move on into the day
but not without you ever in my heart.
I am blessed to be of service.
It’s the very best part of this life.

Different kind of day going to ABQ;
Excellent to change up the pace
Saw baby fox on side of house
New gold and cream color journals
Body is strong and healthy… Sobriety

01.12.2015               4:40pm
Listening to: Say Something… “I’m giving up on you” Great Big World
Yes it’s a song with a message that’s running around my head.
Let’s hope writing will drop me down into my heart and feel.
Monday blues after 24 hours of restlessness wanting you to be here.
I’m surrendering to the end of this day and the weekend.
And I’ve changed the music channel… Wave solo piano.
Follow this melody inside and stop looking at the outside
except for the splendor of nature.
Sat in the car looking at incredible dried pods
closely hanging together on a mulberry bush in the driveway.
The color of tanned leather so vibrant against
the gray wash of winter gave me pause to rest and feel peace.
Remember Pamela it is winter, 36 degrees,
snow showers with muted light.
Went out to a coffee shop half-heartedly, hoping to mingle.
Looked at magazines then came back home,
made a decaf with frothed HH and am sipping it now.
Enjoying the warmth as the rich coffee
travels down my throat and into my belly.
This is good… being surrounded by paintings, drawings,
notebooks filled with my writings, interests, and dreams.
Yes, this feels good… move over world, here I am.
Darling, when the Universe moves you, join me.
There is so much here for us to share.

How raw everything looks
Putting out water for birds

01.13.2015               4:45pm
Listening to: Time and Time Again, Oscar Peterson, a leisurely tempo
It’s been snowing lightly on and off all day
temperature hovering a little above freezing.
I’m letting the weather get inside of me in the most excellent ways.
Showed up in drawings, dress, and a dance in my step.
Layered up head to toe in winter wear
including my microfiber striped hat with
the big tassel on top that I have on now.
Bright pink, deep yellow, cool green, light aqua, lavender and black
add the punch of color this monochromatic day needs.
Also have a neon orange down jacket so there’s no missing me.
Now you can find me in a blizzard;
a beacon of color and light projecting far and wide.
Need light within as these days are short
although incrementally gaining minutes every 24 hour:
sun up 7:12am, sunset 5:11pm.
Woke early, stretched, prayed, meditated,
wrote in my daily journal while drinking coffee.
I’m a creature of routines.
Helps to keep the air-water-fire girl grounded.
No earth signs in me.
I take great pleasure in closely observing the earth,
the changes of climate, landscape and seasons.
Keeps my body here.
Where is your body and what sign are you?
Heaven only knows how this to one another will be written.
I affirm every morning “My Beloved is within me and all around me.”
At sunset today I said, “My Beloved is on his way to me”.
Welcome home, Love.

The awesome beauty of snow
Having a strong loving heart and being an artist
Showing my work to another artist
His feedback “completely original

01.14.2015               5:30pm
Listening to: Two by Two, Steve Kuhn and Steve Swallow, classic jazz roots.
Roots have showed up in my drawing, collage, and consciousness.
Roots deeply planted and nourishing all that grows
above the ground that all looks dormant now.
But not the roots, they are working like me.
Being an artist engages my roots into the river of the unconscious.
It is there the nutrients are found to feed my imagination.
Do tell me you go there, too.
I believe we’ve met in the depths more than a few times;
swimming, our energies lapping at one another.
I’ve learned to breathe underwater;
also in the ethers where there is no longer gravity or oxygen
but plenty of pure spirit.My love,
I follow the long tendrils below and above.
There I excavate treasures,
One being the inspiration of your Being, infinitely present.
Would be lovely if you joined me on the tangible dance floor of life
.Last night, my name was announced from the stage at El Farol,
inviting me to dance.
I twirled, swayed, and shimmied with bliss.
Received a compliment “Your smile is beautiful while you dance”.
Thank you, handsome, blue-eyed blonde, Thank you, I love to dance.
Darling, come dance with me as only lovers can do.

Live music at popular SF bar and dancing
Eating Thai food with a friend
Allowing myself to play more
Tom Ford’s intriguing and intricate ad campaign
went into my VISIONING

01.15.2015               6:00pm
Listening to: Almost Lover by A Fine Frenzy. Pop rock.
Listened for a minute then changed station
needing adult instrumentation and no lyrics.
I am writing my own.
My ears do hear words and sounds with musical influences
 while my hand is painting a series of Symphonic Poems.
I think of these watercolors on manuscript as love letters.
Visual for me now and eventually they’ll be audible.
My skills are many but do not include reading and writing music.
I can play around on instruments because I have a good ear,
with a natural sense of rhythm and harmony.
My body is wiggling and switching channels
as the riostat of daylight decreases here into a deep indigo.
Outside it’s clear and 37 degrees after a sun-filled 45 degrees.
That’s a happy livable temperature.In 90 minutes,
I’m meeting people to see a film that a friend is in;
Spare Parts, an inspiring true story.See it with me:
I’ll save you a seat and share the popcorn.
This morning I felt a measure of MAN-IA that I washed out of my hair.
This girl sometimes really wants a playmate
while this woman knows there’s a real deal man in the wings.
Not sure why you haven’t come out from there.
What are you up to?Today the housekeeper said to me,
“You give a lot of love to a lot of people,
You need a man who can return that love to you.”I need you, Love.

Excellent artichoke and parm sandwich
Getting art resume done
Letting go of mania
Smooth and soft skin… that’s a tease!

01.16.2015               4:20pm
Early to write because it’s Game night.
I need to cook a dish: Risotto with mushrooms, broccoli and carrots.
6pm be at a friend’s house where 8-10 gamers will eat and carry on.
I grew up playing board games, cards, and still love it.
Hope you do, too; in fact it’s a bottom line requirement!
This morning I did this insightful writing exercise
with the help of my current teacher, Charlotte Kasl PhD,
author of If The Buddha Dated.
List of non-negotiable bottom line:
no playing emotional games;
If unkind, violent in word or actions, unreliable, insensitive,
actively addicted, emotionally unstable or unloving,
you can’t be in my life.

And my behavioral bottom line:
all of the above as well as assuring you
I will maintain my self-care and life as I am now,
with grace, consciousness, and personal responsibility.
Now that’s a transparent love letter.
Let us meet on the high ground of Sacred Love
and learn to live there together.
I cannot go alone.
I can prepare, be ready, and be open to your arrival.
I will know you.
There will be no question.
Yet I will ask with all my heart and wonder
the all-important question,
Who is this one?

Cooking…  love it
Intimate phone call with my sister
A gift
Keith Jarrett on piano
Focusing on health and happiness

01.17.2015               4:15pm
I’m a girl on the go.
Just in from an afternoon of hiking
all over many miles of properties north of town.
Now packing up a quick dinner to bring
to a friend’s house in Cerrillos, south of town,
where I’ll be playing cards so more later, sweetie.
10:00pm Ah, it’s an evening love letter.
Won at cards and won the game last night.
I’m on a winning streak.
Social nights are good for me.
I enjoy the company of people;
laughter and good natured friends make for the best evenings.
I welcome you to join me and be part of the fun.
Sweetie, I’m sleepy so good night.
PS This is why I switched from evening to afternoon love letters.
I’m a sleep monster!

In bed early…yay
The amazing land of New Mexico
The amazing sky of New Mexico
A great looking steel beam
24 hours of enjoying friends

01.18.2015               4:35pm
WOW! The Seattle Seahawks just came back from 16 points behind
in the last minute to tie then in overtime made a touchdown to win
the playoff game against the Green Bay Packers.
Now I’m going to the Rio Chama bar with a friend to watch
the second playoff game between NE Patriots.
Bet you’re surprised that I’m excited about football.
I’m an avid fan of playoff games in all sports.
I pick a team and become a fan.
It’s fun and I need the testosterone today.
I’m feeling and loving the male energy
In another three hours I may be growing a beard!
Seattle team and fans pulled it out and made an amazing comeback
The Seahawks are going to the Super Bowl.
Oh Baby, be with me, wherever you are.
Russell Wilson, the quarterback is crying; a beautiful man.
It was raining in the stadium for the entire game.
“Biggest comeback in NFL history”.
Let’s make history and on that note, I’m out the door.

Fun watching football
Identifying NM birds on a photography web site  
Birds eating the tortillas I threw into the yard to feed them
Purple alstromeria
Giving gifts to the Kim’s

01.19.2015               5:25pm
Listening to: A Practical Arrangement, sung so beautifully from The Last Ship
while I collaged a modern home, a cluster of gorgeous sunflowers,
a football field covered with people holding yellow rope
to form a center of radiating energy and a tea bag wisdom statement:
Love is the source of bliss and infinity.
AH, how wonderful it is to blend the football bender
I was on yesterday with the infinity of love!
Included in the collage is a very handsome man bent over
a worktable drilling together pieces of a metal sculpture.
That’s sexy, safety mask and all.
The song, The Nearness of You is playing from Stardust, Bill Charlap;
piano and brushes on drumheads, light touch, soft cymbal;
a well-articulated piano solo with stand up base resonating.
Whew, this is riveting, feeling the touch of the hand,
the base in my stomach, the message in my heart.
Man oh Man, this takes me from day into night
in the arms of your love, your presence, your presence dear.
That was the best 7:37 minutes and seconds!
Now playing, Ellis Marsalis, Somehow, Rumination in NY.
Are you in NYC?
Are you aware of Ellis and Branford and Wynton?
Are you a foot tapper and finger snapper?
Are you a cool cat? My Stardust Lover…

All the music I’ve been listening to
Phone visit with wonderful
Getting prints ready to ship to Eliza
Wearing a dress today
Warm temps

01.20.2015               6:00pm
Listening to: Airport Sadness from Places by Brad Mehidau
Block piano chords are getting me seated and here.
Darkness has descended after a very active day, mostly work related.
Shipped two prints from the Symphonic Poems series off to Houston.
Hope they find a new home there.
Met a patron who is a friend for lunch and enjoyed an animated conversation
touching on art, travel, Paris, and next steps to take SPP forward and upward.
But now, I’ll leave that all to the Muse and focus on you.
Time and Again, each day I look forward to stopping,
being here on the chaise, and letting everything drift away.
I do like to tell you about the things that are happening
but the real joy is the pleasure of writing with knowing
we are connected by this act.
My energy gathers inward and expands moves telepathically outward,
a very important process and journey.
I want you to see my drawings, a depiction of this,
the alchemy of Sacred Love.
I’ve closed my eyes for s few moments on this note.
Not able to find the words for what I’m experiencing.
It’s beyond words, Baby

Watching snow clouds come in
Finding excellent packing/shipping solution
New Moon Energy NOW
This Moment
This Moment
This Moment

01.21.2015               5:25pm
Listening to: All We’d Ever Need, Lady Antebellum, country roots, vocal harmony
I completed a collage book a few minutes ago.
2014 the passing of one life, the beginning of another 2015
And another important message for me…
So here’s what I’m doing:
writing to you daily; painting and drawing daily – Symphonic Poems;
collage visioning – allowing my  unconscious to see in images;
writing every morning in journal; reading many books; showing work to friends;
dancing in and out of the house; cooking and eating nutritious delicious meals;
contacting people in the arts to talk about SPP;
working with a client on her book; going to meetings.
Today I bought myself pink roses and put them on the bedside table
where they are opening up.
I am opening up the spark of a beginning.
I am fanning the spark with all I do.
On this snowy day, I honor the light within me
as the world around me transforms.
Day has passed into evening as Mercury goes retrograde.
I am swimming in the deep end.
I am breathing underwater.
I am keeping this spark lit, for you, love.

Gorgeous pink roses for Pamela Rose
Snow world all over the place
Letting my light shine everywhere
Resting when I need to rest

01.22.2015               2:50pm
Listening to: Break Your Heart, Natalie Merchant, Ophelia
It’s a snow day although the sun is out now, sky clear, 27 degrees.
Bright light and beauty
In a few minutes, I’m going to a matinee movie with a friend to see
The Imitation Game.You and I will be doing this on snow days
along with long blissful hours in bed, cozy and warm.
Bed is now covered in books, journal, computer, pens, soft blankets, and
seven pillows and a pair of reading glasses.
I make the bed every morning then I read, write, drink coffee,
eat breakfast while looking at emails, FB and the internet.
I’m a bed girl for sure; bed for a few hours after waking,
then all the other movements in a day of a very good life.
I’m surrounded by beauty and comfort and order and feel blessed.
I’m living a life that is ready to be shared.
The door to my heart is open for your arrival at the threshold of our future.

Snow covered world 
Watercress for the bunny
Great salads at home
A movie mid-day
Feeling so happy

01.23.2015               4:53pm
Listening to: I’m a Fool to Want You, Donald Byrd on trumpet.
Am I? Am I fool for love?
I am a fool for love and am happy with knowing this about myself.
Many great myths have
Fools who are completely necessary to positive outcomes.
Loving you will in all ways always be positive for me.
A declaration.
Mid-January, chilling temperatures, diminished light, quiet studio days,
persistent work, and the promise of you, make for a very good life.
There is a rich abundant internal landscape I traverse daily.
It becomes “seen” in what I write, paint, draw, collage, speak about,
read, and share in this letter.
This provides me with reflection, inquiry, perception, knowledge, order,
and chaos, all companions to me.
I am never alone!
My love, you are welcome into this world and invited to stay.
These are the non-negotiable in my life.
What are yours?

Speaking transparently
Hosting a dinner party and games
Being a Fool for You

01.24.2015               5:50pm
Listening to: Heartbreak Warfare, John Mayer
Whew, I need this moment to stop, sit, and write to you.
It’s been a very busy day; a variety of activities including
phone calls with family, lunch with a friend, and
a 90-minute session with a fabulous, young designer
who is helping me get a web site up.
Domain name and site purchased.
It’s been years since I’ve had a web site up and the time has arrived.
Symphonic Poems Project is helping me get into the world.
I can’t wait for you to meet my work.
Currently I’m steeped in all the moving parts.
Creativity is my greatest companion making it possible for me
to live alone and not be lonely.
It makes it possible for me to feel rich and prosperous.
I thrive in this arena.
This is the year I am moving the work out into the world
with more visibility after much time in a cocoon.
The caterpillar has turned into a butterfly and I’m ready to fly.

Work session with Richard Blake
Putting high frequency energy into world 
Seeing my work through other’s eyes
A new friend

01.25.2015               5:40pm
Listening to: Venice by Cannonball Adderly and Bill Evans
Had a very restful day and slept in.
A friend was here for a visit over lunch.
Then I took a long, hot Epsom salt bath to help ease the sore muscles
from sleeping awkwardly on pillows.
I’m a seven-pillow girl, lots of pillows going on in this king size bed.
What I’m missing is a King.
Your highness, please join me!
Winter nights beg for another body to be near although
I’ve become quite cozy with down feather mates.
Love sitting up with large pillows behind me, writing, reading,
surfing the internet, and talking on the phone.
It’s often 2 – 3 hours doing that every morning .
I love mornings because I do this.
Then I shower, dress, and make my way into the world.
Today I did not step outside until 4:30pm
That was to walk in the late day sun, move my body,
get heart rate up and oxygen intake deeper.
Love aerobic walking but needed a watchful eye for snow and mud.
The Santa Fe River isn’t running right now.
I cut through the dry bed onto the Alameda sidewalk
walking East to Canyon.
Not a lot of traffic or people.
Santa Fe in late January is quiet and that’s fine by me.
It’s been a quiet Sunday, sweetheart.

Healthy breakfast with friend/good visit
Keith Jarrett on piano
Late day walk
Looking at icicles and light
Relaxing day

01.26.2015               5:30pm
Listening to: Take Me to Church, vocal by Matt McAndrew;
written by Hozier; gospel influences.
It’s been a Take Me to Church day!
First call at 8am was my sister telling me Mom is in the hospital
Congestive Heart Failure, not being able to breathe.
Final report revealed that she had a heart attack last night.
Arlene went to house, tried to take Mom to hospital in her car
but had to call an ambulance.
“I’m in the right place” came across the phone lines today.
Yes, she is in the right place given Juno the blizzard
is on full-blown action in the East.
It’s times like these living 2100 miles away from family is difficult.
I’m “on call” although there won’t be any flights until storm is over.
My prayers are sent to everyone.It helps me to pray.
Spirit knows no limits and miles.
I comfort myself by sending loving energy.
I kicked into a higher gear after the phone call, getting taxes done,
sent documents and images out to web designer,
making a haircut appointment,
The day passed quickly.
I’m tired now.
I was awake a couple of hours feeling anxious.
Mothers and daughters are connected for sure.
If you were here,
I would fold myself into your loving arms for an embrace.
No words necessary.
Maybe an offer to cook dinner for me would be nice.
Something hot and yummy.
This is what love is.
Thank you.

Staying calm in the storm
Tasks accomplished
Positive feedback from Houston-they’re buying the prints
Trusting a Higher Power 

01.27.2015               5:55pm
Listening to: I’ve Grown Accustomed, by Brad Meldau Anything Goes
There’s still some light, but not much but enough to indicate
the sun is staying around a few more minutes each day.
59 degrees here while the East recovers from a blizzard
leaving a foot or more snow in its wake.
Messy more than crippling although officials shut down
major cities, airports, and transportation.
“Better to be Safe”
Mom woke up “feisty”, complained about the food, TV, and declared,
“I want to go home”.
I’ve named her the Hungarian Tank, an indomitable Spirit.
She doesn’t want to stay in the hospital for tests but has to.
I have her DNA and that’s a good thing and am smiling as I write this.
She’s 84, survived a really rough childhood, was married 65+ years to “Mark”,
her nickname for my father Louis who’s she outlived and now says,
“He’s in peace in a good place” pointing upward;
not religious but believes there’s a heaven.
Bless her.
Breathe and be here in this soft gentle energy
at the close of another busy, productive day.
Early phone appointment followed by a studio visit,
meeting, haircut, and grocery shopping.
A spontaneous visit to gallery space.
I want Symphonic Poems Project to be launched there;
Exhibit and Concert.
I visualized it while letting my energy fill the room and building.
Was that you who called saying
“your voice sounds like it’s in an empty space…”
Yes, and I was filling that space up with me.

Thank you for helping
Grateful Mom’s feeling better
Family is safe
Gray Fox in the yard

01.28.2015               4:55pm
Listening to: Dreaming Trees
Pat Metheny, Christian McBride, Antonio Sanchez
Music as beautiful as it gets.
Helps me to settle into this letter.
I’m so grateful I’m writing as day slips into evening.
What’s better than reaching inward and feeling you?
Reaching outward and touching your skin?
I better watch myself with the “better than” questions!
It’s being present to the moment, sinking into the chaise.
Letting the words flow onto the page that feels good.
I do enjoy the consciousness of your presence.
One day you’ll receive this letter that is being written
in a lovely red journal, a gift for you.
Now the gift is all mine.
Here’s a little about the day:
Currently I have two service commitments on Wed;
an early 45 minute phone call with a sponsee in CT;
then I secretary a 60 minute noon meeting.
Often I work with a client for 90 minutes after we eat lunch.
I find myself in the studio a bit later than most days.
That’s okay because I like some variety although I’m on a project,
I do like a scheduled time that’s about the same each day.
The new Symphonic Poems Notebook and drawings
are done mid-afternoon, then a collage, then a letter.
There’s an energetic rhythm that gets established
early on in a project and I keep it going.
I’m a creature of FOCUS and STRUCTURE with COMMUNITY.
You are part of this love.

Happy to be of service
Working with a client
Cluster bouquet of roses
Alchemy and God are my Source

01.29.2015               6:00pm
Listening to: September Song by Dave Brubeck on piano
I’ve collaged into the darkness so absorbed in looking,
tearing, cutting, placing images and words, time slipped away.
When I looked up, day had said “Bye-Bye”.
I was standing in a shaft of light from a floor lamp.
LOVE AMONG THE RUINS; this is a message to us
coming up from the deep river of the unconscious.
I love this timelessness seeing with my Soul’s Eyes,
playing in the spaces beyond this place.
Yes this is my fertile field.
Do you hear me moaning, a contented, sensual release of sound
coming from this waiting woman.
Was that you with a southern accent and a smile
as long as the miles between here and where you’re residing?
I’ve been invited to visit the great city of
honky-tonk, crawfish, and party devils.
Next road trip, I turn right and accept a homegrown,
full-blown enthusiasts tour of a Soul-filled city.
I’m behind the wheel solo unless you say,
“Hey, I would love to drive”.
I’m happy to pack sandwiches and chips for two.
The horizon is rising up from the river.
The Alchemy of paper cuts-outs are turning into
roadways with infinite possibilities.
This car had a full tank of gas.
Let’s rock n’ roll!

The greatest pleasure: TIMELESSNESS
Sharing fox photo and looking up symbolism:
Luck, Magic, Trickster, Be Keen and Discerning
Clean sheet
Lunch with a friend at table with white cloth and red roses

01.30.2015               4:20pm
Listening to: You’ll be Okay, by A Great Big World, You’ll Be Okay
It’s a very white world outside.
Snow started during the night, has fallen all day, and will continue.
Forever and ever!Exaggeration is so much fun.
There’s a lot of snow but unfortunately not enough to stop air traffic.
A New Orleans smile lifted off the New Mexico runway and headed home.
A wave via emails and texts, Bon Voyage.
We’ll play, snow or not, next time.
Kindred Spirits definitely caught a glimpse of one another
saying, “here is one I want to know” but didn’t have time
due to an email of inquiry that got filed into junk mail
because the computer didn’t recognize address.
I didn’t see the “what are your plans for today” until 24 hours later.
In the moment one can only accept, not now.
I didn’t meet you yesterday.
No, I had a quiet evening of eating leftovers and watching TV.
All is good.
A week of family concerns.
Mom is home from the hospital as though nothing happened.
A couple of house deals fell through, and a lot of work.
I was tired.
Have had a productive day with just one changed appointment.
It’s Game Night and I will carefully drive to a friend’s house.
When I was a child, my father would take my brother and I out
into all kind of storms to see waves crashing, tides swelling above seawalls,
and blizzards blinding vision, and none of it stopped us.
I have Dad’s DNA!
I promise to be smart and drive with care.

Letting you know about the Shape of My Heart
Music, voices I love
Exquisite beauty of snow
Open minded and open hearted

01.31.2015               5:15pm
Listening to: Give me Love, Alex and Sierra
Give a little time to me… I just want to hold you…
cuz lately I’ve been waking up alone”.
Today I’ve been alone, resting, watching TV.
Saw the movie HER.
Now in bed with scratchy throat, achy body, tiredness, runny nose.
Woke around 3am not able to swallow and having difficulty breathing.
Gargled and rearranged stack of pillows.
Started breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth.
Uncomfortable sleep after waking and remembering dream:
Tom Ford and I hooked up.
His ranch is across the street from the property
I own in Galisteo with former husband, for real.
Dream was a mash up of what it’s like to be treated like royalty
and revered for being sober for so many years.
Right now, I feel royally alone and sick.
Writing helps me connect with you
and move beyond this ailing, wanting body.
Moonlight Sonata by Dominic Miller on guitar.
Good musical score for my moodiness.
Winter blues on a white day.Fog is rolling in.
That almost never happens in the high desert.
We all need days like this.
“I’m just a ghost in this house.
I’m just a shadow on these walls” Alison Krauss.
Cancelled work with web designer.
Passed on a dinner invitation.
This is a solo performance wrapped
in layers of cotton, polar fleece, and UGGS.
Glad you’re not here.
I’m cocooning.

No venturing out
Gluten free Cinnamon Raisin toast even though I’m gluten tolerant
Brother offered to research music program for SPP
Love to sister

02.01.2015 3:30pm
Quiet with no earphones or music.
Can hear birds, icicles dripping, electricity, neighbor’s car doors closing,
heat blowing, and my heart beating, pen writing, breathing.
How quiet is all that or not!
I want to share my excitement with you about making a first blog post.
Richard Blake, designer, was here earlier for a work session.
I’m pleased to be a good student.
We are accomplishing the task of having a site and blog for my artwork.
Will go public by Feb 10t.h.
Richard’s design is clean, clear, and elegant.
There will be six art galleries – paintings look fabulous,
a writing gallery along with resume, background, and blog.
Baby, you can see it for yourself by googling me after the 10th.
Woke feeling rejuvenated.
Rested in the morning then by noon was in studio working with Richard.
In an hour, I’ll be at a Super Bowl Party; Chose the Patriots.
Will make and bring guacamole with salsa and chips.
Sun is melting all the snow so roads are good to go.
I’m good to go, gratefully.
Mood is up on the progress made on web site and improved health.
I’m blessed to be resilient.
Are you?
Are you watching the game?
Are you a Sea Hawks or Patriot fan?
Are you wishing I were there with you?
Are you hearing me, dear?

Joy to work with Richard
First posting
Sunshine and warmth

02.02.2015 5:55pm
Listening to: When You Wish Upward, Doug Strock
There’s a full moon rising in a clear indigo sky.
I went outside for a walk, bumped into neighbor who invited me to meet his new boyfriend.
An electric relationship for men in their 70’s.
I’m beaming within the energy field bestowed upon me through our brief>
Fun visit… love is infectious and the good contagious.
Glad I stepped out when I did after working all day.
Purchased studio supplies this morning and went food shopping.
I’m making dinner tonight for a friend.
Went to Fine Art printer.
He was surprised and complimentary of the prints I had made
on archival, 140 pound paper at a local copy/print shop.
We looked at what the paintings will be blown up to 30 x 40.
The print will actually be 28 x 36 and in excitement, ordered two.
They’ll be framed and ready for display.
Then I came home to paint, collage and draw.
This is my passion and need that keep me balanced.
It’s a daily awakening.
The same passion and need as this letter is to connect with you.
This is where I get to express what can be felt, seen, heard, known.
These words are for you and me, a daily bridge over time and space.

Bright beauty of an almost full moon
Being an artist
Good neighbors
Ordering large prints

02.03.2015 5:55pm
Listening to: Shape of My Heart, “the Sacred Geometry of chance…”
A full moon officially rose a 4:08 pm.
Chance has it that a dinner date cancelled.
Leaves me happily realizing “that’s not the shape of my heart”!
It’s so important to know what isn’t; then the “is” is clearer.
The serenity and pleasure I feel right now speaks to the acceptance of
sitting here alone, with you, in peace.
Does this current energy have anything to do with my ear hearing that
southern charm and interest coming at me today?
I wish you could see my smile.
Another invitation to Mardi Gras and another to Cape San Blas,
a quartz sand beach with clear warm water out the back door.
Porpoises, sea turtles, and sharks.
Oh My, do I sound like Dorothy from Kansas!
Wish I could click my heels and be transported there.
Certainly am feeling open and interested and awakened.
I am a mirror reflecting
I am a moon shining across the miles
I am a river flowing towards the sea
Am I being transported to my future?
Is the horizon opening up and calling?
An invitation has me asking… is that you Love.

Commitment of financial support to make prints
Release of energy… Inner and Outer
90-minute visit via ear-ways
Excellent workday
All my senses are alive

02.04.2015 10:10pm
Listening to: Who Are You When I’m Not Looking, Blake Shelton
This letter slipped into the evening.
I’m in between the sheets wondering…
Where Are You When I’m Not Looking?
What Are You Doing When I’m Not Looking?
How Are You Doing When I’m Not Looking?
My eyes are closing.
That’s why I’m not looking.
Good night, love.

Object of my desire
Bright pink sunset
Service to others
Early to bed

02.05.2015 4:15pm
Listening to: I Love You, by Alex and Sierra, Pop
I’m in the groove of youth energy… It’s All About Us.
Bright sun and warm temps have given me Spring Fever along with
itchy eyes, sniffly nose, congested sinus passages, and all-over allergy yuckiness.
I went to the pharmacy where an albino, informative manager smiled and
suggested the newest over-the-counter steroid.
Two sprays up each nostril and I’m Super Woman, albeit steroidal.
I’ll take the drugs, thank you very much.
This clean-as-a-whistle body welcomes the seasonal help.
Have I already told you that it’s Juniper that’s wreaking havoc with me
and at least half the population of Santa Fe?
Enough of that and more of this… I love you.
Inspiration means to breathe into, add receptivity and there is life.
I watch this happen every day.
These letters are my receptivity of your presence
breathing into me creating a rich relationship
via words that will reach you someday.
This brings me so much joy, now… wonder-full.
I do have much wonder within me.
A Spirit shining into all places where there are treasures and scary things.
Yes, I am living, stark raving sober and wide-eyed.
Fortunately, I wouldn’t want it any other way, baby.

Ordered all Symphonic Poem prints
Sweetwater Harvest Table lunch with Montana blue-sky eyes
Steroidal relief
Joyous Spirit
Feeling sexy and sassy

02.08.2015 6:45pm
Listening to: I’m Over the Moon to be Here,
Hozier on the red carpet at the Grammy’s
I’m over the moon to be in yoga pants, fleece top, and angel soft socks,
while I’m curled up in the comfy chair sipping
a cup of Ginger tea with lemon and honey.
It’s been a non-stop active weekend of work and social gatherings.
I missed writing to you, sweetheart.
Sitting here now and stopping is the best with muted the TV.
I’ll be watching all things Grammy for the next three hours.
Music, pop creatures, youth mixed a handful of legends.
I listen to a lot of this music so tonight me and 30 million viewers –
and maybe you, too – will see Hollywood favorites perform.
I’ve sometimes wondered if you’re singing somewhere.
This brings a huge smile to my Being.
What is it about musicians that gets me!
Whether you are singing on a stage or in the shower,
I want to hear it live, baby.
Bring it on home to me.
And I promise should I need to be with you on the red carpet,
I’ll bring it all on for you and make you proud.
Tonight it’s R & R… that would be rest and relaxation.
Listening to Highway to Hell
Gotta love it.

14 beautiful Symphonic Poem prints in the studio
61 degrees and sunny
An unexpected amends text from A friend
Choosing to be right here

02.09.2015 6:15pm
Listening to: Marry Me by Train… “if I ever get the nerve to say hello in this café…
I’m singing, “Marry me, stay with me everyday, say you will”.
That’s an invitation, my Beloved, with guitar and a sweet voice.
Today I held a guitar, strummed a few chords, and put it back to bed.
Out of tune.
The guitar has traveled from the humidity of the Yucatan
to the dry, arid desert in the hands of a man with Montana blue-sky eyes.
Reminds me to keep hydrated and tuned.
Be in the moment, listen, look and feel.
Appreciate it all, the friends, the music, the fish tacos, the sunshine, the Artist’s Cave.
Wish you were here right now so I could tell you everything.
I sat inside an amazing sandstone cave that is carved floor to ceiling.
Skylights made it possible to see the beauty enfolding me.
Images of energy lines, flowers and hearts covering every inch of surface.
Humans are capable of creating so much beauty… awesome.
This is the kind of day that unfolds minute by minute with true wonder.
Northern New Mexico held me.
Earth and Heaven embraced me.
Body and Mind opened.
My Spirit is flying.
I’m traveling first-class.
Here’s a wave from the ethers.

The Day Trip to Ojo
Lunch tacos, visit to the ranch, and artist’s cave
Sat in cave and prayed for Mom
Clear Heart
Laughter and Joy

02.10.2015 4:15pm
Listening to: Look After You, The Fray on How To Save A Life
Changed the beat to Peace Piece channel… Breathe.
Waiting for a Symphonic Poem watercolor to dry>
Then I’ll draw a corresponding piece.
Painting and drawing on paper, a favorite medium; tactile and direct;
Daily practice in the studio.
Haven’t collaged recently; not seeing it.
Visioning collage is for my eyes only to give me a look into what’s happening.
The past several days have been so busy with looking outward.
The collage table has been quiet and that’s okay.
Tomorrow the web site gets launched, prints go to framer,
computer helper updates software.
I’ll look then into the next chapter.
All is good.
Was that your email that came in last night, “energy gearing up”.
Wish I could wiggle my nose and be in the Fat Tuesday party.
Miles of road and airway prevent this girl from accepting the invite today.
Perhaps soon.
What looks impossible today may be reality tomorrow!
I know this to be true.
It’s a shape-shifting world and I’m an open, willing Spirit.
Are you challenging me to a game of risk?
This is my playing field baby so let’s give that a whirl.
My heart, Mind, and Spirit are on board.
Let’s move the Body!

Prayer answered: Mom home
Invite to Performance SF tonight
This great song; Lazy Afternoon with
clarinet, percussion bells, base, piano and drums with swishy cymbals

02.11.2015 5:20pm
Listening to: Fragile, live…
I waited to hear what would come play next before turning off the music.
This song couldn’t be more perfect, “On and on the rain will fall…
It’s a cloudy, gray, and rainy day in Northern New Mexico; unusual.
I’m feeling fragile and exposed.
A bit overwhelmed with all that is going on with life under this roof.
More like within this brain.
Been working all day on launching web site and updating software.
This is nerve wracking for a person not so computer involved.
I’m joining the cyberspace world more and more.
This is boring.
I much rather be cooking an excellent dinner for us
then laugh about this hiccup in my perfect world!
Right now, your presence is welcomed for pure relief.
A character aspect about myself that I don’t love is second-guessing my decisions.
It’s a Gemini thing… mind sees so many options,
get all the information in … see the whole picture.
Feeling grateful for the synchronicity of Fragile
and the song playing now, If I Didn’t Know Any Better.
I am glad I kept the earphones in and the music playing.
Helps me to relax.
Music is my Muse, my comfort, my companion.
Now I’m off to Best Buy for a hard drive.
How about a long, soft drive with you soon?

Web Site launched
Computer software updated
Asking for lots of help with all this
All is Good

02.12.2015 6:00pm
Listening to: “Fly Me To The Moon and let me play among the stars…
in other words Darling, please kiss me”
; Astrud Giberto,
Brazilian vocalist whose face and voice became famous
upon recording, The Girl From Ipanema.
Hello Sweetheart
I need the music to reel me in after another day computer retrograde.
My MacBook has gone home with Chris again.
I think they are having an affair!
This leaves me, let’s say, free for the night.
He took “her” home at noon when all things were pointing to having a “down date”.
OK enough of the computer pillow talk.
At this very minute, Valerie Harms in Bozeman, Montana is doing a talk on
The Inner Lover and “The Evening Love Letters
are being read publicly for the first time.
Darling, we’re letting this voice be heard.
This feels very satisfying.
The gift of these letters is being given to others
creating an evening of attraction.
Do you feel the magnetism?
Do you have any inkling that I am here each day
loving you, thinking of you, and enjoying you?
My heart says, YES he does!
I have a confession.
While buying Lava Cakes, a Valentine’s treat for the housekeeper,
I saw a friend with her boyfriend.
They were pushing a cart together and discussing what to buy.
She was divorced a few years after I was single again.
When I saw “them” today, I really wanted you here with me,
picking out what fruit we want and planning our Valentine’s celebration.
Your arrival, your real arrival, is so welcomed.
Baby, come make me yours, your Valentine.

Slowing down
Ability to get real and know what’s really important
Helping a friend who was a dear in headlights

02.14.2015 5:30pm
Happy Valentine’s Day, my Phantom Lover
Are your toes in the white sands of a coastline
while mine are tucked into black leather walking shoes
having just come in from a near sunset jaunt.
What will it look like to see our toes side-by-side?
What will it sound like to hear our voices
laughing, talking, moaning, listening, and silenced?
What will it smell and taste like to make love?
What will it feel like to be with one another,
living, playing, working, traveling, loving?
As the light of Valentine’s Day fades,
a soft darkness begins to surround me,
I ask these questions in peaceful anticipation
in the perfect pitch of knowing, we will answer them.
This is my gift on this day along with the dozen blush-kissed roses
I bought for myself.
I squished the cut stem to force the blossoms to open wide,
learned while working as a florist for a couple of years in the early 90’s.
One of my best jobs ever because I loved being with flowers all day.
But on Valentine’s and Mother’s Day,
I trimmed, arranged, and made more Rose arrangements
then one ever wants too!
Those are great days for the Love business.
I hear the Cathedral bells.
I would love for you to hear them, too.
I would love for us to hear the surf together.
My love goes out to you.

Move a muscle, change a thought
Reading: The Shape-making of an Autonomous Woman
Feeling inspired to blog
LC Ella (my pseudonym) you are dope, that’s excellent BTW!

02.15.2015 6:10pm
Listening to: The Pirate’s Bride, Symphonicities, Sting…
the tides roll out, the tides roll in
Violins, cellos, base and the entire Queen’s Orchestra;
intricate melodic phrasing, a twelve-eight time signature
This day has rolled out and rolled in with much to tell you about.
First, a real offer has come in on the Galisteo property.
Let’s pray that it rolls out into a signed deal!
Then all people computer and web help showed up.
All is terrific in my cyberspace world.
This was a week of letting go and trusting everyone to do their best work>
It happened.
Check me out at : www.pamelamarkoya.com
I will be blogging, too, and I promise that you will see me there often.
The persona and voice of my blog is LC Ella.
I know you’ll adore her because she’s fun and sexy.
At noon, friends came by.
We walked to the Teahouse for a delicious lunch
while catching up on their house deal and
a granddaughter came into their family on Friday.
Much to celebrate.
Then to counterbalance all the energy, we played cards for hours.
Three of us at the round kitchen table
with a seat open for you to join us, sweetheart.
At 4:30, I watched a video of my mother reviewing, 50 Shades of Gray,
the film the girls in my family went to see along with lunch.
This is when I wish I lived closer.
2100 miles to attend that gathering.
Now, having just finished some work on web site,
I’m ready for Sunday night kicking back with TV.
I’ll make an easy meal and settle into the den… I am with you.

House offer
Computer and web site all working
A prayer answered
Lunch and cards with friends
Gratitude leading and winning

02.16.2015 5:10pm
Listening to: Wave, Jobin
It’s leading me into this moment and these words to you.
The momentum of Mercury going direct is being seen and felt.
Galisteo house is under contract.
Baby, this puts me closer to freedom from the past
and a clear passage to the future.
I feel Grace in this moment and am grateful.
Today, I sent all FB friends a link to new web site.
Am receiving many positive comments and likes.
I continue to take one step at a time with faith leading me.
Diana Krall, The Look of Love
is in your eyes that your smile can’t disguise
I can hardly wait to hold you, feel my arms around you
the look of love is on your face, a look that time can’t erase…”
I’m singing it out to you and sending a message out to you.
There is so much love within me and I want to share it all with you.
A wave because I’m mad about you how much longer.
Where are the keys that unlock the door to freedom and find me.
Yes, we both need to be free.
And in this freedom we will finally know a true Sacred Love.
This is ours… This is… This… Love.

A beautiful cloudy day in Santa Fe
House under contract
Letting go of the past
Letting all this be
Breathing with peace within

02.17.2015 5:45pm
Listening to: One More Second, Dominic Miller, acoustic guitar
Emotions are running a marathon with so many aspects of life in motion.
Thankfully, I maintaining a studio practice and writing as well.
Morning spiritual routine: exercise, stretch, prayer, meditation
Journaling while drinking half-caf and sitting in bed.
Inviting others into my world via studio visits.
The internet brings a lot more interaction with opinions other than my own.
I’m smiling… life is quite cozy when one lives and works alone.
Yet, this is my time, my year to bring my work into the big arena.
I’m ready and I’m steady taking small steps and let go of the results.
Today was a bit draining.
Morning studio visit with a very dominant male.
I found myself beginning to spar, but stopped, centered, and adjusted.
Listen more
So much less noise.
Then went out to lunch.
Really listened for two hours to another man.
Stories of his unusual and fabled life.
Needed to take a drive alone after that.
Errands refresh me.
Changed into comfy clothes at 4:30.
That’s rarely something I do but I needed to signal my brain,
“we’re shifting down now into a lower gear”.
Went into the studio where work greeted me with a gentle and focused embrace.
I have come to count on this in myself.
Work habits are reliable and I really like that!
In fact, I like reliability.
So Love, I promise to be meet you on time and be welcoming
no matter the way the day may go.
Open hearts are like that, streaming open and loving.

Comfort of work habits
Ability to fine tune

02.18.2015 5:16pm
At 4:37pm a New Moon rose and with it my dreams and visions:
Scared Love, open doors to new prosperity and exciting horizons.
A New Moon rose and with it my heart expanded love and light into the world around me and beyond the measure of time and space.
A New Moon rose and with it the desire to manifest all that the
Universe holds out to me.
A New Moon rose and with it my energy danced to Voices Beyond Measure.
A New Moon rose and with it my Spirit joined you
on a journey greater than my understanding.
That’s perfectly fine for this earthbound body knows you are near.
Your love is here
Your Pamela Rose

Envisioning a peaceful closing
Sharing my joy
Being of service
Believing in the unseen

02.19.2015 5:50pm
Listening to: Lyre’s Song, Dominic Mille
I can hear Dominic’s gifted fingertips on the strings of his acoustic guitar.
My legs are happy to be a horizontal line across the soft leather chaise ottoman.
I’ve been standing in the studio since 2:30pm preparing for and having a studio visit.
An excellent process took place laying out Symphonic Poem prints
in a variety of groupings.
Result: two will be chosen and sold next week.
I painted before visit and did a drawing after; bookends of my daily practice.
I am an artist and a romantic and that equals
“a person whose creative work shows sensitivity and imagination” plus
“a soulful and/or amorous idealist”.
Between the two definitions there lives a practical, orderly woman
who finds meaning and comfort in daily practices.
I’m a working woman, sweetheart.
What are you doing?
Where are you?
Yesterday as I go out of the car in the driveway,
I surprisingly saw one blue heather blossom
peeking out at me from the garden.
I bent down and touched it, smiling at it’s strength
to have appeared only a day after snow.
I want to show you this and so many other wonders of nature t
hat my eyes delight to see.
I have BIG EYES.
Seeing eyes.
I am living.
I am living in peace and joy today.
I am breathing>
I am breathing into your Soul now.

Appreciation from others of my word

02.20.2015 5:20pm
Listening to: Dreams, Fleetwood Mac
“thunder only happens when its raining,
players only love you when you’re playing…
My era of music.
My head is bopping, my foot is air tapping, and
my heart is beating with excitement.
A series of synchronicities and timing took place for me
to be standing in front of the director of a gallery.
After 15 minutes of yapping, she asked what I was up to>
I was able to tell her briefly about Symphonic Poems Project.
Invited her to the studio so we’re on after March 9th.
It’s time to get a couple of pieces framed and open up to ideas about music.
She’ll hear what I have from Luke Carr and the classical piano piece.
Now, I’m on my way to the Paul Caprinagro photography exhibit at the
Marion Center and then to Richard’s house for Game Night.
Does all this interest you?
Do you have passionate projects going on and cultural events to attend?
A fun group of friends to hang out with?
Darling, do tell me… all… I’m here… I’m here

Feeling confidence
Having fun
Walking instead of running
Deep love

02.21.2015 5:00pm
Listening to: February Sun, Dominic Miller on First Touch
This afternoon, I relaxed while watching a PBS documentary that so inspired me:
how one woman can change and shape a community through the arts.
I’ve had the privilege and the challenge of living a life in the arts.
The film made me reflect on this:  the 45+ years engaged in the making of art,
the teaching of art, and the advocacy of the arts.
I also opened up the question
how will this all influence me moving forward into the future?
I’ve had a lifetime of service and have been rewarded far greater than I’ve give.
How will I continue to contribute?
An open question, one I hope you will be interested in answering with me.
How will WE contribute?
I so desire to join forces and experience the power of two.
Honestly, I don’t want to keep doing this solo.
With that said, I surrender the desire.
I open up to all the love within me and all around me.
Tonight, I’ll be joining four wonderful women for a celebration of love.
I’ll go with a few pieces of my writing to share…
and with you in my heart.

A Girl’s Night Out: women who inspire
Admiration of my sister
Happy for a cloudy day
Seeing the bird through the skylight
The time to watch PBS in the afternoon

02.22.2015 5:10pm
I’m on the Red Carpet in black turtleneck covered by black fleece hoodie,
moss green Japanese stretch pants, and black suede UGGS.
Staying warm while watching 5 hours of Academy Awards.
Planted on the cozy den chair feet up on the ottoman,
cup of Ginger tea with honey and lemon.
Baby, it’s cold outside, 19 and snowing.
It’s an R&R day and I’m wishing you were here>
Or me there, wherever there may be, hopefully warmer and sunnier.
In Hollywood, the heavens opened up to release the Movie Stars.
It’s pouring rain and celebrities are being ushered out of cars,
onto the red carpet with armies of men with umbrellas.
It’s a movie star’s worse nightmare.
Their hair flattening and their heels getting pumped with water.
Forget about those long trailing gowns.
Just muted the sound on TV… ahhhh… quiet.
I may need a bath in Epsom slats after the long sit or at mid-point.
There’s lots of yawning coming form this tired body after
a very busy work and social week.
It’s good to take a full day to myself.
Stayed in bed past noon and it was easy to do.
It’s that kind of day that welcomes solitude.
With that said, I’ll count my gratitude… you being one.

Cozy clothes
Happy to take a day to rest
Snow and a warm house
My Heart telling my Mind, I HAVE THIS ONE!

02.23.2015 4:20pm
Listening to: Lazy Afternoon, Hank Jones, tapped through a few songs
on other stations before coming home to Peace Piece radio and this, perfect.
Winter has reappeared with clouds, snow dustings, and frigid temps 21 degrees.
No walking outside today.
My body feels tired and I want to crawl into a cave – a warm one –
Stay there, so I’ve just decided that’s what I’ll do.
No pressing reasons to go out again today.
Enjoy the quiet, peace, and warmth of being inside.
I’ve painted, collaged, and drew a Symphonic Poem.
When the framer told me to come there tomorrow because they’re busy now,
I felt my entire body rejoice… permission to BE.
I’ll focus on a few computer inputs then prepare a hot, nutritious meal to eat
while watching my favorite bad TV – The Bachelor.
The farmer from Iowa is turning out to be a bit boring… noted.
This girl likes her boy with spice and that would be creative energy.
Need that reflection and inspiration.
Need a sensitive soul with strong body to hold me.
An embrace would feel really good right now.
Hands rubbing up and down quickly, igniting the fire in my body.
There’s a flame burning within me, Beloved, always.
Turn up the heat.

Daily practices center me
Meetings connect me to others
Studio work enlivens me
Writing to you places me in the now and forever

02.24.2015 5:50pm
Listening to: Beneath Your Beautiful, Labyrinth
Ah let me see
let me hear
let me feel
let me be here
let me be here with you
let me know you are here too
let me perceive
let me receive
let me not be deceived
Ah let me now be here in this waning light
As snow blows across the desert onto mountaintops
let me trust the burning flame within
let me be safe in the storm
let me appreciate this space
let me appreciate this pace
let me feel this while I can
because I know you are on your way to me.

Framer loves Symphonic Poems Project
Connecting with strong women
Keeping close
Getting two new prints
Letting Me Be

02.25.2015 4:22pm
Listening to: I Never Told You, Colbie Caillet
“I see your blue eyes every time I close my eyes…”
Love pop songs… or pop love songs!
My inner LC loves Pop music.
My head has been attached to the sing song lyrics of Pop
all day while I drive, eat, work, walk, and email
prestigious people in prestigious places.
My soundtrack would surprise most.
Good because my secret life is being a Pop singer writing
very sappy love songs and performing with an all-male rockin’ band!
Instead, I paint Symphonic Poems and draw sacred geometry energy:
driving creative work.
I love it, the music, the art, the life and taking a moment of gratitude.
Yes, I feel a lot of gratitude.
Two Is Better Than One, from Boys Like Girl, Love Drunks.
Now I’m laughing.
When I think of you, everything is okay”.
There is truth in that for me.
That’s why I write.
I feel a real presence, the Inner Lover reflecting your energy
my heart knowing we are connected.
We are one.
This is my way of waving to you.
Letting go and letting this love land and fly again.

Feeling really good
Happy for the sunshine
Dancing around the house
Being of service
Inviting a friend for dinner and cards

02.26.2015 5:40pm
Listening to: My Heart Is Open, Maroon Five
Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, Yes, so hand it over and trust me with your love…”
Turned the music off so I could focus and be still.
What an amazing set of emails were sent to me from my younger sister
who is going through a major transformation and creative renaissance.
She connected with an artist who taught her art 45 years ago.
Most importantly she gave Arlene positive feedback and support.
Unfortunately, our mother abruptly stopped the lessons,
the little positive creative activity Arlene had going on then.
All these years later, Arlene is opening up, going to a painting class,
having the courage to reconnect with the wonderful woman artist
who so profoundly touched and influenced her.
Tears flowed as I read the correspondence between these two remarkable women.
I am so proud of my sister.
She is brave and she is generous.
She included my brother and my web sites in here letter,
saying, “maybe someday I’ll have my own!””
Yes, Arlene, you will.
This is my family.
This is my heart.
This is my miracle today.
I am so happy to share this with you.
Someday you will meet this remarkable sister and know
just what I’m talking about.
Family, my heart is broken open wider and deeper and forever
To be able to love greater!

My incredible sister
The incredible artist Roe Halper
Lunch with friends
Very clean house
Two more prints in world

02.27.2015 10:10pm
Baby it’s cold outside and it’s late evening.
16 degrees feels like 3 and it’s snowing.
I’ve been in since 4:30 but worked until 7:00pm.
I ate dinner while watching three recorded episodes of Nashville,
music soap-opera country music style.
Slick roads prevented and evening of gallery hopping.
We’ll see how much snow falls overnight.
Right now, I’m content to be tucked in-between sheets,
humidifier running, and eyes ready to call it a wrap.
Tiredness has me, sweetie.

03.02.2015 5:15pm
Listening to: Experience by Ludovico Einaudi, In A Time Lapse
Album name quite describes how I’m feeling.
New Pandora station, Sufjan Stevens, recommended by Luke Carr,
the musical artist I’ve collaborated with on Symphonic Poems Project.
It’s been a couple of days since writing.
Why the lapse?
I am feeling discouraged.
Am I a witless fool to write these letters
day after day, month after month, year after year?
I’ve been sad about you not showing up and being here.
This could be happening because the final steps are being taken
to close on the Galisteo Property, home for 10 years with was-band.
He’s remarried and I’m not.
The past six years seem to have been in a time lapse.
I’ve referred to myself as being in a cocoon.
I realize there hasn’t been any room for you in here.
As the door on the past closes, images of that life float by in dreams,
in real-time coincidental sightings of people, places and things
that were and are no longer in my life.
There’s an emptiness as I emerge out of the cocoon.
Divine Timing comes to mind.
Yes, it’s in play, on this dreary, cloudy day
while winter creeps towards spring.
Thin ink in this pen is coming to its final words.
I will lean into love… I will lean this way forever.
And faith tells me there will be better weather
And you will be here right on time.

03.04.2015 5:30pm
Same station.
Same composer.
Same song.
I like repetitiveness.
Soothes and rests my memory.
Mindful Memory: the deep soul notation
as an event is occurring, a site seen, a piece of music heard,
that marks it re “mark” able, notable and worthy of retracting
the neuro pathways in my forever evolving and dissolving brain.
The best dissolves are when a door forever closes.
I stand at the precipice of the new.
Thresholds are often not recognized except for Mindful Memories,
a thing forever changed, optimistically for the greater good of all.
Was that your smooth as honey voice sweetly
waking me at 6:15am yesterday?
Different time zones can create these opportunities to see.
I am a pure delight upon waking.
At first, I thought, Am I in a dream?
Yes, a waking dream.
How concerting to unexpectedly start the day with you.
Seemed to be an answer to the previous day’s rant
when I was feeling to be the fool.
Such an outpouring is needed and necessary,
a bit like stomping one’s foot when it’s much too much!
Thank you for hearing me.
I am hearing a wail of cellos and violins,
a siren’s song in a slow and stately tempo.
That can describe our walk towards one another,
today as the last silver threads of light line limbs of
bare-but-about-to-spring-into-life trees.
I rest in the farewell embrace of winter.

Loving the last days of winter
Seeing little gold crocus
Being here

03.05.2015 6:15pm
Listening to: Opus 28, Dustin Ohalloran, Vorleben
Subdued, expressive aesthetic, contemporary style.
As a full moon rises, the sun is setting, and the tree limbs are bleeding red.
My feet keep moving forward, my eyes wide pools of transition.
This late day walk is a welcomed ritual.
Will you walk with me
What will your eyes see?
What direction will you turn out of the driveway?
Are you quiet or chatty while moving your body through the paces?
What size is your shoe?
Do you wear jeans or cords or khakis?
And how is your head, covered in hair, a hat or not?
Where do you put your hands while strolling?
Ah, hopefully, one is holding mine.
I walk with an Iphone listening to Pandora music,
moving briskly, and enjoying the feel of my body, strong, healthy.
I turn left out of the driveway to the Santa Fe River
where turning right, the dry bed leads me to a small footbridge.
I cross over to the path and continue heading east to Palace,
turn right over a car bridge to Canyon Road then turn right again,
heading west into the last light of day,
passing galleries, restaurants, small shops, and a few private homes.
Doing a loop.
It’s familiar yet different everyday.
Is this how we will be?
Walking, talking, silent, seeing familiar yet different every day, My Beloved?

Grateful to ask questions and wonder
Full Moon Intentions

03.06.2015 5:15pm
Listening to: To Make You Feel My Love, Adele
I’d go to the ends of the earth for you…
With that, I’ll happily tell you I’ve decided to drive across the country.
A Road Trip is an instantaneous change of energy.
I am trusting this and making a plan.
There’s only one previous commitment I have that needs to be changed.
I’ll do that tomorrow.
This allows flexibility and opportunity.
I see many stops in this configuration.
Will that be of any interest to you?
I hope so.
I am wrapping up projects in the studio as Winter recedes.
I am ready for movement.
My Spirit is saying, this is the best way, a day at a time, a season at a time.
March 27th is the closing of the Galisteo property.
This provides resources for travel along with a new chapter.
What better way could there possibly be than to get in the car.
Head out into the near future horizon.
One more invitation into living my Soul’s Journey
The passenger’s seat is open, Sweetie!
See you on the way.

Road Trip
Picked up beautifully framed Symphonic Poem #2
Game Night: fellowship and fun
So much green coming up from the earth
The river is running

03.07.2015 5:45pm
Listening to: Concerto for Saxophone, Philip Glass
Sounds so much better without the smoke detector beeping.
The Alarm company owner had to talk me through the process
of getting up on a ladder, twisting the alarm counter-clockwise,
and removing the batteries.
Enough of that!
Yearning, Suite for Piano, Lilia Valitova
Nice transition from Glass to being here in this moment
where my feet are up on the rawhide Italian leather ottoman and
my body comfortably relaxing in the soft cushion of the matching chair.
I opened the shades from the top on two joining doors that open out to the West.
Can see strata clouds turning gray with the riostat of daylight dimming
Tomorrow at this time it will be light; Spring Forward, as clocks
move ahead an hour and it will be darker in the morning.
I’ve been waking at dawn.
When do you open your eyes to the day?
Do you sleep through the night?
What position does your body like?
Smile, a warm blush came up through my cheeks.
Will you adore that I sleep in a hoodie or cotton homeboy cap?
I’ve been sleeping alone for nearly six years.
Yearning for you to be next to me does not qualitatively describe how I feel.
I’ll leave it at that.
Come see me in my hat.

Cleaning out stuff
Gave my parking space with time to a New Yorker
Gave the library magazines
Gave a friend a bouquet of roses

03.08.2015 5:05pm
Listening to: Street Spirit (Fade Out) Radiohead
Classical arrangement; a bittersweet sentiment.
A big yawn.
Allergy season is upon us and I’m feeling it.
Eyes and sinus swelling and feel tired.
I’m spraying Nasacort and taking Advil.
I went outside for too long while visiting friend’s, ate outside,
their doors were open to bring in boxes and furniture; they’re moving.
After I helped them, I went to a Consignment shop where another friend work.
Had fun trying on clothes and left wearing “new” jeans and Born sandals>
Love when that happens.
Been home a couple of hours
Preparing dinner for friends who will also play cards with me.
Moved a few things around in the studio.
Now I’m finally getting to sit.
Yes, I’m settling into this seat.
So sleepy as clock moves ahead and it will take a few days to adjust.
How does this time change affect you?
Do you have a time change?
Where are you living?
What are you doing on a late Sunday afternoon?
Do you watch TV… HBO… Public television?
I am listening to We Move Lightly, Dustin O”Halloran, Luminere
aunting violin with repetitive piano orchestration that is very good.
Now I must move lightly into the kitchen.
I love to cook.
What would you like for dinner?
Sausage & Chicken curry-saffron stew with rice and lentils

03.09.2015 4:00pm
No Music
I need lots of quiet and rest
I am not going out today.
Knocked back with sinus headache and allergy symptoms.
Even the birds are singing too loud.
This is a difficult season: Juniper.
Now you know one of my body’s challenges: my sinus need help!
I love Spring, the warm weather, the Earth coming alive with new growth,
the animals and birds arriving.
I love sunshine into the evening, the shift of people’s energy coming out of winter.
I love all this.
But I’m not loving the way I feel physically today.
No work in studio got done.
Wrote and answered emails .
Set up a studio visit with a gallery director for March 24th.
I’m clearing, organizing, and getting prepared.
Travel is in the near future>
I’ll work on the road, staying focused on the Symphonic Poems Project.
What is your life filled with?
I do wonder.
There’s so much to learn about one another.
Like what is your favorite flower and place to visit?
What completely annoys you and makes you want to run away?
Who inspires you and what makes you want to get up and dance?
What is your body’s weakness and greatest strength?
What gives you joy and a belly laugh?
Do you cry easily?
I tear up and honestly,
I cry for so many reasons.

Grateful I can take a day to heal
Light changing

03.10.2015 4:30pm
The buzz saws have stopped and I can hear the birds again.
Neighbors are cleaning up properties, trimming trees,
fertilizing the high desert earth.
While driving home I saw the first pink blossoms on limbs.
Everything that stands up from the earth is looking bushier.
So much change each day… and this is also happening within me.
Today is my 34th sober birthday.
I am blessed and thankful.
One day you will hear all about this journey,
what it was like and what it is like now;
my strength, hope, and experience.
Last night as I fell asleep, I asked God that I might wake up
feeling well enough to go to a meeting, pick up a chip,
celebrate with friends over dinner.
My prayer was answered and I am pacing myself.
Enjoying the quiet of the studio now and writing to you on this special day.
There will be a chair at the table for you this evening.
Only I will know and like that.
Our connection surpasses time and space and the material world.
We are one.

Now I offer you a gift, this Rumi poem:
Look at me and hear me, because I am here just for that.
I am the moon and the moonlight, too.
I am your flower garden and water, too.
I have come all this way, eager for you, without shoes or shawl.
I want you to laugh, dissolve all your worries.
To love you, to nourish you.
I will bring you roses.
I, too, have been covered with thorns.”

A last thought from my Heart …