TELL: The Evening Love Letters

Pamela Markoya copyright 2013

These are 100 love letters to My Beloved.
They begin with thinking about…
That moment, that exquisite moment when my breath stops,
The room goes quiet, the air is still;
and my heart leaps across an expanse of space to land with the one I love.
You, who I see in the beauty that passes before me;
You, who I hear in songs of unending notes;
You, who I feel with me every day of my life;
To You, I write these words;
Each letter is followed with my words of gratitude.

07.20.2013                      10:00 pm
My Beloved, not a day or night goes by that you are not recognized;
Seen in the illuminated clouds, heard in the leaves of the
Aspen trees, felt in the evening air cooling.
My Spirit catches your vibrant energy as I look through a British travel
Magazine and I think about an exotic vacation together.
I feel you with me, and for this, I am grateful.
It is the season for deep, purple figs cut in half and served with
creamy goat’s cheese and a toasted pecan… yummy.
I will make them happily for you… someday.

Sun hot on my skin
Travelers in Santa Fe
Energy drawings
Good food
Well-being

07.21.2013                      6:00 pm
It is nearing 6 pm on a wonderful, lazy Sunday.
I’ve rested much of this day, making meals, washing traveled in clothes,
Pulling out inspirational books to read.
Started a new collage book, a slim Moleskin 3 ½” x 6”.
I am using images from a New York Times magazine, the Style issue,
That I picked up in Maine this summer while traveling; now it’s in Santa Fe.
First collage was a free agent, not attached to the collage book.
I can use it as a bookmark for your love letters.
It is square, 6” x 6” with the image of “our Hands”,
My hand placed over yours on the back of your jeans pocket.
There are flames in the background, the elements of air and fire.
I found these words that spoke to the image:
“Something truly precious holds its beauty forever”.
And I pasted them onto the heat… I burn for you.
This collage is for you, Love.

Vision collages seeing you near and far
Rest
Quiet
Balance
Healing

07.22.2013                      10:15 pm
Tonight, a full moon rises and it speaks to me of you, who stands under this moon with me…
somewhere
Tonight, a full moon is high in a star-crowded sky and all this shines for you, who is …
part stardust, part human, all Spirit
Tonight, a full moon is promising me you will be with me someday, in Body, here next to me…
in between soft sheets
Tonight, a full moon is reminding me that tides are swelling in every ocean and within me…
my heart swells with love
Tonight, a full moon is climbing high over the Sangre de Cristo mountains, like a lighthouse flashing…
I am here.

Being present
Clarity
Viewing of John Cage film by Virginia Dwan
Feeling acclimated to altitude
Bank Deposit

07.23.2013                      11:30 pm
It’s late… 11:30 pm.
I’m just settling into bed after a full day and evening.
I walked through the Farmer’s Market with a brightly colored bag.
My arms were full with fresh greens, veggies and flowers.
So nice…
I stopped to watch a group of children from The School for The Deaf,
Quietly playing with five baby bunnies.
So sweet…
I learned to say “your welcome” in sign language.
Went to Meditation meeting and more food shopping at Whole Foods.
Back at the house I cooked chicken and root vegetable soup.
Then it was time to dress for Virginia’s presentation at SITE SF.
She gave an excellent presentation and I saved a seat for you.
And I saw you next to me in Spirit at the dinner party afterward.
You were the most handsome man in the house.
Loving you… so much.

Fluffy bunnies
Fresh vegetables and flowers
Listening to Virginia’s talk
Sitting in bed
Comfortable in my own skin

07.24.2013                      10:45 pm
Good Evening, Beloved.
My eyes are sleepy and this body ready for repose.
Phillip Glass, The Hours, is lulling through the earphones;
A musical score for a movie.
My life could be a movie!
Note: I will tell you more about last night’s SITE dinner party.
We’ll laugh.
Today, I took a pretty dress to the seamstress,
Bertha, who I hugged and told, “You look glamorous”.
She’s 82 years old, recently widowed
And was dressed in black with turquoise jewelry.
Bertha is going to the Kiwanis Club dinner-dance.
Bless her.
Tomorrow, she’ll cut and hem my dress above the knee.
And I will wear it with peach lace bikini briefs, for you!
Smile… a little lace and a little leg.
Today, I visited my dear friend Pam and we made up a jingle:
“The man for me will be here through Universal Delivery!”

Beautiful music
Stormy sky
Peace within
Watching birds in a friend’s backyard
Soul pressing me onward

07.25.2013                      10:54 pm
I’m a little scared.
A major lightening storm has knocked out the power.
Fortunately, I knew where the flashlight was and lit a candle.
It’s on the bedside table and I’m sitting near it now.
Torrential rain.
Was awake watching a Robert Redford and Morgan Freeman film.
Won’t catch the ending… will have to see another time.
There’s flooding.
Breathe…. I wish you were here.
I hope the power comes on soon.
The angels are bowling!
Thunder and Lightening are moving through.
I saw a huge light explosion just before the lights went out.
I hope everyone is safe.
Wherever you are, I want you to know, I love you.

Flashlight and candle
Rain
Won at Scrabble
Safe
Companionship

07.26.2013                      10:10 pm
Another storm came through today at 6 pm.
Lightening striking.
Thunder rolling.
Rain pouring.
Temperature cooling.
No power outages where I could see.
I have been connecting with friends in Santa Fe.
Today, visited Tony Abeyta’s studio.
Saw two distinctive bodies of work;
NM landscape and large drawings.
Right now, my eyes are closing… so sleepy.
Listening to hypnotic music that is so good.
Sweet Dreams, Love.

Visiting Tony’s studio
Egg salad
Fun with friends
Tranquility
Hope

07.27.2013                      10:00 pm
Today the weather was perfection!
Wish you were here.
70’s, sunny, major puff clouds, a slight breeze.
Simply breath-taking beautiful.
I sat outside on a friend’s portal… happy to be there.
We talked about art, our lives, and our dreams… including you!
Smile.
These “letters” will be given to you, someday, as a wedding gift.
This is my way of letting you know how I prepared for a Sacred Love.
Yes, my heart beats one with yours.
My desire is happily engaged in all that greets me in the day.
Love is large, encompassing all it meets.
I am blessed beyond measure.
This evening I saw a white-tailed baby bunny in the front yard.
I’m a sucker for baby animals.
And a fool for love… your fool forever.

Perfect weather
Clarity
Living in the moment
Sharing Symphonic Poems with music
Walking a friend’s dogs

07.28.2013                      10:08 pm
I wondered what it would be like to drive with you through the country,
Watching trees go by and feeling miles of road going under the tires.
I wondered what it would be like to turn my head to the left,
See you behind the wheel… do you drive?
Although if we were in the backseat and there was driver,
I could find out what it’s like to kiss you across the miles, for real!
That delights me.
Today, I drove a hundred plus miles through amazing rainstorms,
Cloud crazy skies… to eat a good lunch.
And I wondered what it would be like to live and eat with you.
Tonight, I fell asleep watching TV.
I wish I fell asleep in your arms after making love.
I really do.
Nite.

Cloud crazy sky
Green landscape
Fish tacos with jicama with slaw
A gushing water dream
True longing

07.29 2013                      10:02 pm
After being in the house until 4 pm,
I put on a pair of green suede Gabor loafers
and walked up Canyon Road listening to Pandora.
Very few people were out… nice… solitude.
Right now, I’m alternating between writing
Leaning my head back against pillow
Closing my sleepy eyes.
I know I’m turning into a major sleep monster!
I need you to keep me awake…. Smile
Help! Let’s go traveling to a place
Where we can find soft sheets and clean rooms.
Preferably a beach?
I’m dreamy.
Today I didn’t drive.
It was nice to stay close to home feeling like a domestic creature.
Cooked, cleaned, did laundry.
Watched The Bachelorlette, so bad it’s good.
Breathe.
I feel like a teenager.
I hope you love me even when I’m like this, a girl at heart.
I (eye) love (heart) u.

Walking
Talking to a friend about art
Stability within
Faith
I believe in love

07.30.2013               10:21 pm
Listening to Cello concerto, Phillip Glass and the Royal Liverpool Philharmonic Orchestra.
It is amazingly beautiful.
Tonight, I sat outside at Midtown Bistro with Virginia, Nancy and Dennis.
Good friends, perfect weather, delicious food.
I’m saving a seat for you, dear.
I talked of travel, sharing a life and home with someone… smile.
Who is this one… Who are you?
I will continue to ask this until my last breath, always with expectancy.
Like the cello string anticipating the vibration from the touch and movement of the bow.
Like the immaculate surface of a Chris Richter painting dense in layers of paint and rubbing.
Like a leap forward into the unknown with arms outstretched.
Like the late day sun making this earth exhale with beauty.
The notes of an oboe play into this reverie.
I feel full and happy, loved and loving.
Loving your nearness in all this, My Beloved and I thank you.

Chris Richter paintings
Scrabble Rabble
Walking Canyon Road to Downtown Subscription
Alice, the Soul Coach, who is my fan
“Deep Well Sessions”, In Flight

07.31.2013               9:12 pm
Ah, I’m happy to be home for the evening and in bed early.
A text woke me at 4 am.
I was awake for two hours after that so I’m very sleepy.
Tonight, I’ll shut the phone off.
No interruptions.
Where are you?
Are you sleeping?
Are you in the same time zone I am in or somewhere far away and exotic?
I have to get up again to get my retainer and put it in.
Now that’s sexy… Keeping my teeth straight…. Smile.
Ate Mexican for lunch and feel like a stuffed sopapilla.
I need Spanish lessons.
Speak to me in Spanish.
Speak to me in French
Speak to me in the ways lovers do.
Speak to me in your voice.
That voice beyond measure.
We are one beating heart, many voices.

Belief in things not seen
Sopapilla with honey
Daily Word: Triumph
Song: Beyond the Moment, Album: So Flows the Current
Virginia is buying 4 of my walnut ink drawings

08.01.2013             10:07 pm
A truly adventurous trip today that I am sure you would of enjoyed.
Visited Star Axis, built into a mesa, 22.1 miles south of I-25 on highway 84.
Then a bumpy ride into the property and up the mesa
To the house and studios of Charles Ross and Jill O’Bryan.
Todd Christiansen was a great driver in the Volvo SUV.
We went across mud sliding roads and gullies
Instantly transformed formed by rain.
Lunch was prepared by interns.
Cheeses, crusty bread, salad with walnuts and pears,
Smoked salmon, prosciutto, fruit tart and grapes.
We ate while looking out 40 miles east towards the Continental Divide
Into the immense landscape of beauty and cloud-filled sky.
Storm came in mid-day blowing dust and rain… exhilarating.
I’ll fill in all the details… just ask when we see each other.
11:30am – 6:30pm with Virginia, Pamela Thompson and Todd.
Before the road trip, I drove to Lamy, 20 miles south of Santa Fe.
Cyndy, best in the West hairdresser, loped off a few inches of my hair,
Leaving me with a sophisticated, long-layered happy head.
For you to see, Dear Heart… Soon… I hope.

Excellent haircut
Road trip to Star Axis
Lunch on a screened in porch
Blanca the perfect bowwow
Rain, wind, weather

08.02.2013             9:13 pm
In bed early…Nice…. Also took a siesta earlier 4:00 – 5:00 pm.
Yesterday’s travels, the dust, the heat
The rain were lingering within me.
My body felt weary so I rested.
Had a simple day of attending to some bills.
Went to a noon meeting then came home for the afternoon.
Ate leftover Veggie enchiladas while roasting
Fingerling potatoes, carrots, zucchini, garlic and corn.
Sat outside with Pam for a brief visit.
She came by to pick up $200, a loan until Wednesday.
Tomorrow I’ll go to her house to help with marketing materials
For her art studio and we’ll have dinner.
This evening, friends and I went out for Italian at Andiamo Trattoria.
What will be our favorite place to eat?
I wanted to stay home and eat the roasted veggies.
You would like that wouldn’t you?
Clouds came and went.
No rain here but it was a snuggle kind of day.
I need a rain check.
Snuggle with me, Love.
I want to bury into your arms and body.
Okay?

Siesta
Profiteroles with dark chocolate sauce
Generosity
Expand Faith = Action
These letters

08.03.2013             10:37 pm
Just in from listening to an speaker at the NM Young People’s Conference.
Amazing Grace is what we call it.
I’m so grateful for my sobriety.
I woke early and felt in a funk.
Got up and went out to an early meeting
Followed by an impromptu breakfast with Pam.
Sat outside at Ikonic Café; good coffee and friendship.
How do you like your coffee?
What would you like for breakfast?
I seldom eat out in the morning.
I like to journal, meditate, read, and eat simple morning food.
I drink half/caf with coconut creamer although I love real cream.
Played Scrabble this afternoon and Yves is too much.
Beat me by a 100 points then 5 points… not my best day.
Then went to Pam’s for dinner and to help her with a postcard.
Bought a book: 25 Houses under 3000 square feet>
Preparing for our future.
Getting good ideas for a HOME.
Would you like to build a home with me, Sweetie,
Or travel the world awhile?
I wish you all good things and sweet dreams.

AA
The energy of Young People
Breakfast and dinner with Pam
25 Houses Book
Faith = Action

08.04.2013             11:08 pm
Tonight I can only say
I love you and wish you were here with me.
Another Sunday passed without you.

Speaking up for myself
Piano music
Writing
Church bells
Song for Jesse

08.05.2013             10:41 pm
First evening in the house alone after Virginia flew to NYC.
She will not return to Santa Fe for nearly a year.
I woke today feeling pressure in my head
Transition so put one foot in front of the other.
Started a 21-day meditation program online with Oprah and Deepak Chopra
MIRACULOUS RELATIONSHIPS, and of course I thought of You, My Beloved.
I affirmed, I AM FILLED WITH SACRED LOVE
Right now, smiling, I wish I were filled with you… Sacredly!
Now I am laughing with my retainer moving around my mouth.
I actually checked out my other retainer tonight, thinking,
“I’ll wear this fresh one” when you get here.
Breathe… I like thinking about this… You are a gift of Grace and Joy.
This afternoon I took a rest in bed with headphones
Listening to my favorite instrumental music.
Contemporary Classic including Phillip Glass, Zoe Keating
Art of Noise and others relax me.
This is the same music I listen to at night while I write to you.
What are you listening to?
The song, Serenade Timeless, just started
I wish you could hear it now.
I am with You, Love.

Walked in the back yard at sunset
Morning meditation: Miraculous Relationships
Planting the seed: You
Root ball image
Two hummingbirds playing

08.06.2013             9:45 pm
Just leafed through Trend magazine for 45 minutes.
It is so nice to be in bed at 9:00 pm.
Stayed in most of the day needing rest and rejuvenation.
Body said, Easy Does It, with an achy head; it’s signal to stop.
I’ve learned.
Made phone calls from bed, ate light…
OOPS; pen just dropped and made an ink spot while my eyes closed.
Yes, Dear, I am falling asleep and I will absolutely surrender to the fall.
Sleepiness… smile… quiet… solitude.
Did have a friend here for dinner.
We talked and laughed and enjoyed our supportive relationship.
We went to the Community Art Gallery, walked in and out.
Deciding not to stay for the talk, Lawyers on Art and Public Art.
It was a silver haired and balding crowd.
I know, I know…
4-ever young in spirit, 4-ever yours.
I’m going to sleep now with you in mind and heart.
Nite Love.

The smell of Rain
Sunset walk
Clearing tears
Lots of rest
So Hum: I AM

08.07.2013             10:03pm
This morning was busy with gardeners, calls and computer tech.
I just listened to Oprah and Deepak’s meditation, Day Three: Shame.
It is so good to meditate and wash my mind with loving, peaceful words.
I wish I were always this relaxed and okay.
Bumped around emotionally late afternoon.
Tiredness is challenging.
Yes, this body can feel tired and then the ego-mind begins a story.
I release it and all thoughts now.
Well, perhaps I’ll allow a thought of you, Beloved
To hold me as I fall into sleep.
This immediately brings a smile and comfort.
This pen is fading.
I am fading with it into slumber with loving, warm feelings
Of you and with you… all ways, Love.
Good night.

I am a wondrous miracle of life.
10,000 Waves
Flowers everywhere
Moved a muscle to change a thought and mood: It Works!
Rain drops while soaking and sunning

08.08.2013             10:15pm
Had you been with me this evening
We would have danced on The Santa FePlaza.
We would have smiled into one another’s eyes.
We would have moved our bodies in sync motions.
We would have held one another in laughing hugs as songs were sung
About whores and robots and diddies about Santa Fe and New Mexico.
We would have kissed with joyful gratitude
For a perfect summer night of fun music and dancers.
We would have held hands and strolled home.
I walked an hour before sunset along the Alameda to The Plaza.
Heard music, saw the dancers and danced with friends.
The air was just-rained fresh, clear and a little cool touching the skin.
I saw you in the smiles, intimate dancing, and shining eyes of lovers.
I felt you in my happy heart and swaying hips.
We had a good time, Sweetie.

Music on The Plaza
Two tiny green leaves
Comcast and air-conditioning working
Spontaneous fun
Bach violin

08.09.2013             11:22pm
Tonight, I held a place for you at the table while dining with two couples.
Excellent conversation about our lives,
The lives of our parents and grandparents –
Who wanted more for us than what they had.
I asked the question: What is your passion?
And I am waiting for your answer.
Join me at the table, Dear One.
Join me on the passionate journey of living.
Join me on a new field, the infinite field of Sacred Love.
Swim with me in the currents of the limitless river and
The endless tides of the ocean.
Float with me atop billowy clouds and soft winds.
Lie down with me on blades of grass and soft sheets.
Laugh with me into the night that holds us near.
I smile as I imagine all of this and more.
Smile with me for a thousand years and beyond.
So flows the current, beyond this moment, beyond measure.

Lunch with the most handsome man in the restaurant
Dinner with Gerry and Jeanne Snyder, Petra and Tony O’Brian
Small bouquet on the kitchen table
Comfortable in my own skin
My belief in you

“The best effect of good people is felt after we have left their presence.”

08.10.2013           10:00pm
It’s raining real rain since 6ish.
Stayed in and cooked; roasted root veggies with red onion.
Made a pot of Chicken soup.
Fell asleep in the den chair while watching movies.
Woke up, washed the dishes and my face, brushed teeth.
Put lotion on my body and put retainer in.
Glamorous!
Right now, I’m listening to Max Richter’s Memory House;
Intense, horns and violins, non-pitched, tonal harmony
Contemporary style, percussion, a symphony orchestra.
Music, you are my companion, moving through my body.
Music, you are my score for life.
Music, you are my muse.
Adagio, a great word.
Such beautiful music by Tomaso Albinoni
Influenced by Vivaldi and Bach.
Do you like classical and contemporary music?
Do you feel me in the evening across the miles?
Do you know I exist?

Gratitude for sobriety
Lots of rain
Soft PJ’s
Blue delphiniums
Wonderment

08.11.2013           11:08pm
I stayed up watching an old movie:
Addicted to Love, starring Matthew Broderick and Meg Ryan.
I was caught at the title.
It had a happy ending, worth staying awake for.
I decided to start my 60th year over.
Start to really begin receiving my birthday gifts like The Gift by Hafiz.
I need to get that book.
I’ll read it to you… poems.
I’ll scratch your back and kiss you gently good night.
I’ll cover you with soft cotton sheets.
I’ll make sure you never go to sleep hungry, ever.
I love you, now and always.

Feminine dress with slip
Beautiful crescent moon
Miniature bouquet on the kitchen table
The thought of you
Bright Star

“There are people whom one loves and appreciates immediately and forever.
Even to know they are alive in the world is quite enough.” Nancy Spain

08.12.2013                    9:45pm
I loved the “water” meditation this morning.
Perhaps I’ll listen to it again now.
It’s been a rough day; breathe.
Computer glitch and talking to realtor about Galisteo got me going.
The stuff of life managed to get under my skin and squished my bliss!
Ate all meals alone.
Not good to spend too much time alone.
Did take a sunset walk after dinner to see the blazing colors dance.
Moved a muscle to change a thought; breathe.
Sorry… This isn’t much of a love letter.
Tonight your arms and soft voice would be greatly appreciated.
Living alone is tiring.
This is my wish… that you are with me soon.
I want to walk with you at sunset, here in the foothills, on beaches,
Across the land, and around the world.
Hand-in-hand, let’s wear out a couple pairs of shoes.
That makes me smile.
Good night, Love.

First step
Moth wings
Walking at sunset
Meeting a nice dog
Writing this love letter

08.13.2013                    9:28pm
Tonight I sat outside enjoying dinner with friends.
You were at the table and my world was better for it.
Breathing is simpler seeing you sitting there.
Felt comfortable like the air temperature in Hawaii; body temp.
Woke thinking Hawaii might be a good place to live with you,
Maybe move to Maui although I haven’t seen the other islands.
Let’s do that; explore all the islands.
Watch the light change on the Pacific.
Walk on the beach.
Swim in the ocean.
Snorkel into the depths.
I have yet to splash around with dolphins and sea turtles.
I want to… I want to do all this and more.
This morning while shopping at the Farmer’s Market
I saw another basket of newborn bunnies.
Petting them is divine.
Bought multi-colored potatoes, greens, basil, squash
And a gift for you.
Happy dreaming, Sweetie.

Making new bouquet
Painting and collaging so much beauty
Calls from CT and CO… How are you?
Nice to be thought of
Evening with friends

08.14.2013                    9:45pm
Smiling while the violin strings bring me to you… nots just peaked.
I am listening to Classical Lounge instead of Phillip Glass channel.
What is playing, Adagio for Strings, is so beautiful.
And a little melancholic, which is how I’ve been feeling.
It is Mid-August with a tinge of coolness.
As someone said to me today,
“Pamela, you are living the mystery. That is the definition of a Mystic!”
I said, “Oh Really? Well I hope some cash shows up mysteriously in my account.”
Oh, Sweetheart, does that sound cynical or optimistic or realistic?!?
A leap of faith is required.
Bach for Solo Keyboard… the music lifts my spirit.
Being a guest at Julia Cameron’s dinner party lifted my spirit.
Believing in love while yearning for you lifted my spirit.
Feeling your touch through the music and perceiving your presence lifted my spirit.
Receiving a Good Night energy wave lifted my spirit.
Giving a WAVE to you… now.

Synchronicity Miracle: Stephen Barber, Adagio for Strings:
notable for its warmly romantic lyricism and memorable melodies
Generosity
Describing my love letter collage
Believing beyond measure in miracles
Being with friends

08.16.2013                    10:00pm
Hi Sweetheart.
Sorry I missed writing last night.
Head hurt and heart hurt.
Tiredness and just plain old weariness prevented me from picking up the pen.
Deep breath… that is honest.
I’ve had to rest the past 24 hours.
Yikes… restless and weary are not a great combo!
Even gave up on writing to you but just last night.
Tonight I bring you into me
Even though I’m a bit worn out and not sure about very much.
The big, I DON’T KNOW.
Will you arrive and make it clear, “It’s me, your Beloved!”
Yes, I need that.
I need to have you here.
I make meals for two.
I definitely need some conversation and movie suggestions and a real hug.
I love you even in this state of weakness.

Mailman in front of the house when I walked out to mail Dad’s card
Laughing at myself with others about Challenge
Headache is gone
Writing through end of this
Being here

08.17.2013                    10:00pm
I am so grateful to be feeling better today so was out and about in the world.
Went to early morning meeting.
Errands, walked downtown and around Indian Market.
Saw a Penoscob woman artist’s basket, amazing craftsmanship.
Also saw Tony Abeyta’s work at Blue Rain Gallery, said hello to him.
Strolled through booths, into the Cathedral where a friend is a docent.
He told me about the small chapel so I went there.
I lit a candle, affirming Sacred Love, a burning candle for us.
Sat awhile in the quiet and beauty, praying, “Love and Light. I am present.”
Walked home in the heat, happy to have air-conditioning in house.
Went to an afternoon party 2:30 – 4:30 where there were many friends.
Always a little like high school.
I wish you were here.
I ate all meals alone.
The flowers are so beautiful, I want you to see and smell them.
I’m doing my best to be present and patient.
Good night, Love.

Stargazer lilies in living room
A friend saying’ “She doesn’t hold a candle to you.”
“You make me laugh.”
Love and light in the cathedral
My health

08.18.2013                    10:24pm
Today is my father’s 88th birthday.
I called to wish him many happy days and to say, “I love you”.
He talked about the weather and he said, “I wish you were here.”
I’m here in the high desert wandering around the landscape within myself.
I heard a voice say to me today,
“Have fun, have some fun, Pamela.”
Was that you speaking to me?
Are you so near you are whispering words into my conversations?
Have we met?
Peter Vask, String Quartet, is being playing;
“melancholic, a cyclical journey from the timeless beauty of nature’s voices emerging from
silence to the heartrending cacophony of despair back to the tranquility of silence.”
Are you orchestrating this, my far away Star, so near, so far?
My heart renders me helpless.
My longing calls for you.

Walking up the perpendicular adobe wall onto the roof of the house
Seeing 360 degrees of incredible skyscape
Walking down the wall and onto the ground
Spirits dwelling in the lake photo
OJO

08.19.2013                    9:36pm
I made a ”table collage” this morning on the bedside table.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN MIRACLES?
The ocean, surf, blue sky
Your right arm clad in a dusty orange jacket
Pushed up your forearm with a bit of white shirt
And tan skin revealed.
Perfect glimpse of man, water, earth, air lighting the fire within me.
Made this collage before drinking coffee and writing.
A thrust of my soul’s visioning.
Also collaged in small book:
IMPULSE. LOVE IT. WANT IT. GET IT NOW.
An electronica song “Miss You” is pulsing through my ears into my being.
Repetitive song structure.
Hmmm… missing you is a repetitive experience.
Longing to feel you, to see you, to be with you is a repetitive lament.
Another piece of music is playing now
“Eulogy for Evolution”, a mellifluous aesthetic.
Perhaps I am indulging in this mood.
Forgive me.
Bring me Your hope, Your light, Your love.

Flowers on the portal
Cleaning outdoor table
Sushi with Mary C and walking around the plaza
Self-care and Acceptance
Collage

08.20.2013                    10:25pm
Went to see the movie “The Butler”
History lesson through the life of a black butler
Who started in a cotton field then worked in the
White House from Eisenhower through Reagan.
He quit and joined his son on the protest lines.
Lived long enough to see Obama get into office.
Civil Rights…. Breathe.
This is a movie everyone needs to see.
Heartbreaking and inspirational
Pointing to how much there still is to do for equality for everyone.
Movie night… we’ll have movie nights.
I’ll hold your hand, promise.
Do you like popcorn?
We can bring a bag of organic popcorn in one of my large purses.
I’m sleepy now.
Woke at 5am, got up at 6am and had a full, active day.
SO eyes are closing.
See you on the inside of my eyelids.

Movie, The Butler
Can get new realtor
Rain!!!!
Full Moon
Affirm Sacred Love: Good Man + Good Woman = Good Love

08.21.2013                    10:15pm
Watched the “Blue Moon” rise from behind the mountains.
I looked into its light and affirmed SACRED LOVE.
Man in the Moon, can you hear my request?
Soon, I do hope, soon.
Our bodies will spoon.
Soon. Soon. Soon.
Collaged an image of a woman’s hand
Touching the chin, face and neck of a 3-day beard.
Touch.
I need your touch and to touch you.
Soon. Soon. Soon.
Sleep now.
Sweet Dreams, Love.

Moon Rising
In bed until 11:30am
Two meeting day
Two meals with friends day
Being serenaded to sleep with music, Adagio for Strings
Bright Star

08.22.2013                    Timeless
Listening to Meditations for the Heart,
“I Remember Well”, Fernando Ortega
Breathe; so, so beautiful.
The lower keys of the piano are resonating inside of me
While the sweet, high notes wave to you in the ethers.
I walked for an hour, steadily striding.
I walked around the plaza through town.
I walked up Canyon Road while night fell.
Where are you walking?
What shoes do you have on?
Did you enjoy dinner alone or with friends?
And where is the sun setting for you, tonight?
What time do you go to sleep?
What are you reading?
And do you write journals?
I am simply wondering about you.
Wish you were here with me now, to sleep with.
Live with me!

You are God’s gift
Patterns of rain on dirt
Touching a branch with wet leaves
Writing a list of NYC favorite things to do
Day 4 of self-love retreat

08.23.2013                    10:34pm
“Wicked Game” by Chris Isaak
“The world was on fire and no one could save me but you….”
Do you know his voice?
Haunting.
Now playing, “If I ever lose my faith in you” and “Kiss from a rose”.
Pamela Rose, breathe.
Today I felt my patience being pressed into The Shape of My Heart.
Releasing what all this will look like and accepting what is here now.
Rearranging flowers, painting and visiting with friends; it’s a good life.
Writing to you.
Yes, I look forward to this each night.
Closure to the day and an opening into dreamtime.
I wrote a “letter” of fun things to do in NYC.
There will hopefully be a time to do these with you.
I wonder what you want to do with me.
This puts a smile on my face and warmth in my body.
I am here with you, always.

One cancellation followed by an invitation
Courage to call and be loving
Smell of rain, again
Picking up flower petals
A song I really needed to hear … Divine Timing

08.24.2013                    9:45pm
What a turn of emotions today.
I’m really going through the gamut from low to lower then to neutral, and tonight, high!
Yes, a soul connection with a gay man in a wheelchair.
We connected and he told me what happened.
A snowboarding accident that paralyzed him from the waist down.
He just won an award for his work in the
Advocacy field for Gays, Lesbians, Transgenders and Homeless.
Wow, he uplifted and inspired me.
I wished him all the best and hope we meet again.
And I hope you get to meet him.
I’m grateful I got out of bed at 4pm and went to the party.
And now I’m grateful to be saying, Good Night to you, Love.
Sweet Dreams.

Meeting Bob in the wheelchair
Soul connection
The Raptors at the Farmer’s Market
Getting up for the party
Orchid in the living room
Laughing

08.25.2013                    10:45pm
It’s Beethoven, Moonlight Sonata on the Meditation station;
It’s nice with waves; we’re at the beach with Beethoven, Sweetie!
It’s funny.
It’s just that I’ve just stayed up late watching a lame movie and too much TV.
It’s another Sunday night and I’m so sleepy after all of it.
It’s a good day because I finally woke up with enthusiasm.
It’s waking up with “an answer” to the exhibit installation… I saw it!
It’s a big Thank God! Now I can start working. I needed a vision.
It’s Focus. Five weeks to put the show up.
It’s all happening, and, yes, it will happen
It’s the joy of a full day with a meeting, breakfast with friends, walk
It’s a movie, The Miller’s, that really made me laugh, dinner with friends.
It’s eyes are closing after another week ending.
It’s a wave to you wherever you may be.
It’s you in my heart, peaceful and loved across the miles.

Waking with a good idea for exhibit installation
Laughing until tears
Walking over to see the “open house”
Breakfast and dinner with friends
Feeling a lot of love and joy… and IT’S

08.26.2013                           9:17pm
Early to bed and woke early, too, as the sun was rising.
Prayed, stretched and meditated.
Wrote in journal and ate breakfast in bed as I normally do then did some organizing.
Moved bags of books, maps and my writing binders out of the bedroom closet.
Put them into the studio where I’ll look at them tomorrow.
I went to Counter Culture to look at space and walls for exhibit.
Went to Hobby Lobby where I bought a frame to try something out
Putting one of my paintings into the frame.
Found black primed canvas paper that I’ll paint white energy on.
Noon meeting, two-hour lunch with friend and food shopped then came home.
Talked with Alice who suggests I cultivate male friendships.
She said, “You are nourished by men and thrive in their company.”
You, my dear beloved, better get here soon.
I received “direction” to play with men and be in touch with my own male energy.
Yes, I need some balls to do the next leg of life.
Help me, Honey!

Talking with Alice
Honest communication
Lunch with friend
A deeper faith and trust
An opening door within

08.27.2013                           10:53pm
Just finished cleaning up kitchen after having Julia and Robert here for fun evening.
Made a vegan stir-fry with three colored rice, along with black figs, cantaloupe and berries.
Before dinner, I worked in the studio creating a way to clearly present
12 – 6”x6” watercolors in a grouping.
Painted, too, as I prepare for October exhibit.
Breathe, one painting at a time, one frame at a time.
Today I had a realization, really a remembrance.
A sacred conversion happens in love.
Love is an essential element of Miraculous Relationships that
One needs to be present and open for a sacred conversion.
This is the ultimate rock and roll experience.
Come dance with me!
We’ll move our hips and let our bodies pulse to the beat of passionate energy.
Oh how I feel this, with you always.
I celebrate your existence.
I celebrate Sacred Love.

Talking with Brooke
Meditation meeting
Dinner with friends
Beautiful roses on the bedside table
Working in the studio
A Sacred Conversion, male-female energy

08.28.2013                    9:52pm
Flute music, “Dreamer’s Chant” by R. Carlos Nakai.
Emergence is the act of coming out, the becoming visible.
Now an electronica roots piece, “Miss You”… that’s the track.
What a day.
There’s a buyer with cash for the Galisteo Property.
More to be revealed tomorrow.
Realtor retires tomorrow and contract expires on the 31st after 4 plus years.
So the next 24 – 48 hours will be interesting.
I feel positively expectant.
As the news was coming in
I was preparing for exhibit
Buying frames, more painting paper, and a rattan box for jewelry.
I have a few bracelets, necklaces and rings that I like to wear.
I’m not a bling girl although appreciate well designed, better jewelry.
Felt you present today while I walked at sunset.
There’s a calm within me that I very much appreciate.
I asked for “help” this morning and I’m receiving it.
Thank you.

Positive energy and action around selling Galisteo
Framing watercolor
Third Step In God’s Care
Roses opening
Sleep

08.29.2013                    10:00pm
It’s been a day.
A “house deal” fell through, fell apart; disappointing.
Mid-day I went to the bookstore, bought a bird-watching book for retiring realtor
And took it to his house.
Gave him a hug.
Thanked him for he has done in the three plus years he’s had the listing.
New realtor begins Sep 1st and so goes the business of life.
I consoled myself with painting and collaging.
Always when I am in uncertainty, creativity stabilizes me.
I put some images in this book for you that are beautiful and captioned,
“Dear whoever you are… I’m waiting patiently.”
Beauty and patience are helpful.
Took a sunset walk.
One of the nicest evenings of cloudscapes and light happened.
Ate veggies for dinner then and watched The Life of Pi on the big TV.
The film was absorbing and restful.
Hope you can appreciate I’m feeling a little low and not very romantic tonight.
Loving you and wishing you were here to comfort me.

Gave a gift to say Thank You
Letting Go and Letting God
Monica treated me to a lunch burrito and nachos
Clouds and Light
Seeing the Bunny

08.30.2013                    10:30pm
Songs from the Labyrinth, “Fields of Gold”,
“I never made any promises lightly and there have been some I’ve broken.”
Lute version
Now listening to Ottmar Liebert guitar solo.
Music is my muse and inspiration.
Notes sound like music-water… smile.
I’m sleepy after waking at 5:30am, full day and a party.
I wonder will we live in Santa Fe?
I don’t know.
Hawaii?
I want to visit the islands of Hawaii with you, Love.
And I want to be by your side wherever we go, far and wide.
I offer you my hand…

Morning meditation and walk
O’Keeffe flowers
Looking for rainbows during sun shower
Guitar music
Sacred Love Conversion Experience

08.31.2013                    11:11pm
11:11… That’s a time!
Was at a friend’s house watching a movie about the IRA.
Depressing.
Wish I had slept through it but didn’t want to be rude.
Helped this friend look at neighborhood’s throughout Santa Fe.
He has to find a rental in two weeks.
His daughters and former wife of 18 years live in Dallas.
He misses them deeply; I can see it in his eyes.
He would like to move back with them, all of them.
He would like another shot with wife.
God only knows what the future brings.
I’m grateful to be right here, right now.
I am falling asleep.
I think of you as I am dreaming.
I dream while thinking of you.
Good night.

Branch with leaves changing color
Pam’s dinner
Bonnie the kitten, and Clyde the puppy
A nap

09.01.2013               10:30pm
It is the first day of a new month.
And I am beginning to see one golden leaf
Then another indicating a seasonal change is upon us.
I feel quiet.
Good night.

Campadres Benefit
God First
Solitude
The very beginning of a seasonal change

09.02.2013               9:37pm
Solitude, a beautiful piano piece with an overall meditative sound.
Great for me to listen and hear.
I can feel the fingers touch the keys.
This morning I woke from a “waking dream” of Sacred Love.
Realized have not been feeling romantic love.
I’ve been making these letters brief the past few days.
A loss of interest because the FLAME NEEDS FANNING.
AH, the dream helped.
Keep Believing, what is within me is real and will be me in the world.
We will meet, Love; I am here, I am here.
Tonight I want you to know, I will wait a thousand years to walk with you.
A thousand miles like we did in the waking dream.
But it sure would be nice to walk with you sooner!
This lifetime is parallel and cyclical and cylindrical.
This love is greater than me and cannot be defined or contained or quantified.

Dreamtime morning
An Awakening Dream: Sacred Conversion
A lot of gratitude for being able to live here
Trees have grown tall in Galisteo
Driving around

09.03.2013               9:37pm
Ah, the same time as last night.
I’ve been listening to an oboe, Witold Lutoslawski, Polish composer.
Angular melody, wildly complex rhythm, engaging cello, now violin.
Classical… now changing to Meditation.
Bells, water, flute, harp, acoustics.
After painting in the studio, I walked for forty minutes before sunset.
Cloudy evening with soft light and a temperate air.
Feet steady.
Walking for my body, mind and spirit.
Walking for inspiration and good exercise.
Walking for you; I feel close to you while I walk.
It was a day of solitude, work and meditation.
It was a day of focus, structure and follow through.
It was a day of quiet meals alone and a movie.
It was a day of faith.
My actions speak.
Symphonic Poem #8

Studio: Painting and Collaging
40 minute walk
Timeline completed and sent
Gladiolas
“Ella”

09.04.2013               10:21pm
I believe in a Sacred Conversion experience that makes Sacred Love possible.
I believe it is happening within me and that you are on your way to me now.
I believe that when I see the Aspen leaves shimmer with movement, this is you.
I believe you are touching me as Spirit only can do, beyond measure.
I believe these words move into you on the vibrations of the notes that my heart is beating.
I believe the elements conspire so I can feel you near.
I believe all this and rest easy, tonight, loving you, and believing.
I saw the sunset while walking

Good Colors
Excellent storage visit
Inspired by my own work
Painting, painting, painting
Your presence in all things and within me

09.05.2013               9:38pm
New Moon and setting intentions:
Miracles
Miraculous Relationships
Meaningful and Prosperous Life
I am a channel of love, light and creativity
My happiness is within me
I am smiling, Beloved.
You are within me.
And although I long for your touch, I am content being here tonight alone.
Sleepiness is my companion, as is music and writing and collaging and painting.
Tonight, in Santa Fe, Zozobra is burning.
Thousands of people are screaming BURN! BURN! BURN!
As they release their worries.
I release mine, to tired to scream.
And I rest now, with you in my heart.

Possibilities; be open to new people and projects
Listing options
Bowl of dried flowers
Dove feather
Easing up on myself

09.06.2013               9:09pm
Heart Shaped World…
“what a wicked thing to do, to make me dream of you.”
I want to know your touch.
I want to be held in your arms.
I want my body pressed against yours.
I want my cells to feel your skin through our clothes.
I want to feel your breath against my face, my neck, my breast.
I want to hear you whisper in my ear a few words only for me.
I want to place my right hand gently on your left cheek.
I want to look into your eyes.
I want to ask, Are you real?
I want to ask, Who are you?
I want to ask, Who is this one?
Please meet me in my dreams.
I am here and loving you.

So many options for painting exhibit
Blessed to live here
“…. Hon”
Yackity bird
Melon colored gladiolas opening

09.07.2013               9:47pm
I carry you in my heart.
You are always with me.
While walking tonight, I stopped at a gift shop to look into the window.
I saw an e.e. cummings poem imprinted on a piece of wood:
“i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)
i am never without it (anywhere I go you go,

my dear; and whatever is done by only me
is your doing, my darling)
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) I want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it’s you forever a moon always present
and whatever a sun will always song is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life which grew
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)”

Laughing
Carl, the unplugged
Storytelling
Chocolate cake w/raspberries
BEING A LITTLE BAD

09.08.2013               9:39pm
Dear Love, I’ve spent the day in bed not feeling well.
Quiet.
Lots of pollen in the air.
I was outside for 5 hours yesterday.
Woke with sinus headache and yuckiness.
Pollen makes my body feel poisoned.
No Fun.
I did get up at 4pm, went into the studio and painted.
Daily practice.
I read through a few of my collage journals for inspiration.
Such positive messaging.
I needed every word and image.
My Soul speaks to me this way, in images and words.
My Soul knows you are nearby.
Hello… Soul Man!
I’m smiling.
We have such a beautiful and loving future ahead.
My body may feel finite tonight but my love for you.
It is eternal.
I love you.

Lots of Love – Honesty – Letting GO
Collage books
Beautiful piano song, “Letting Go”
Twice… It’s tonight’s message

09.09.2014               10:04pm
Quiet rest has helped me feel better today.
I went out for a couple of outings.
Picked up tile and went to lunch at Sweetwater
With the most handsome man in the room wearing a Montana agate!
Smile… I am cultivating male energy.
Nice… and feels right.
Tried to get big printer to work.
Called for help and received “shake the ink cartridges.”
Tomorrow’s task is trying to fix printer.
Went to a photography exhibit at SFUAD.
Excellent work.
Said HI to acquaintances and watched people.
I am ever fascinated by our species.
I felt present and other-ly; an air presence; spirit.
Are my cells moving further apart allowing more space.
Space for you?
Openness. Open heart.
I carry you in my heart.

Your friendship
Getting tile and listening to the story
Waking feeling better
Hope
Planning a road trip to pick up Julia’s puppy

09.10.2013             10:34pm
OM, the Cosmic Yes; it is the sound of the universe.
Inner tuning: I carry this vibration of this most ancient sound.
OM into all my daily activities and into my sleep.
OM Into my love of you and into my love letter to you tonight.
OM, is the balance of the male and female.
I am smiling thinking of you right now.
Would you like to meditate with me? Now?
We are connected Now.
We are one Now.
We are vibrations Now.
We are love Now.
This evening’s meditation is led by a couple offering a 21day program of chant.
Day 1: I will carry this vibration into my sleep
As I carry you in my heart, everywhere, awake and asleep.
I walk through the Soul Doors with you and fly into the ethers;
I swim in the river of the unconscious and sing with you in harmony.
Here and beyond… Namaste.

OM
Excellent Meditation Meeting
Fun lunch with male friend laughing about life
Counter Culture Exhibit pieces picked
Fun dinner with female friend here – an autumn and Hungarian meal!

09.11.2013             9:36pm
Just put a white cotton blanket back on the bed.
The rain bought in cooler temps tonight.
While walking I felt autumn and a sad wave to summer.
It’s getting darker earlier making my steps meet the stars.
I must admit, I do not want to go into winter alone.
Perhaps this is accentuated by 9/11.
I do not want to go through these tragedies alone.
Did a powerful meditation this morning focused on Peace.
Peace begins within me and moves outward into the world.
We are one in Spirit.
You and I are one.
I patiently await your arrival.
I’ll meet you anywhere by the way!
Just ask me and I’ll be there.
Name the time and place.
Are you ready, love, to wrap up in a blanket with me?
I am ready, dearest love.
Go with me into a waking dream… LOVE

OM SHANTI OM
Frames purchased
Cultivating male energy
Wispy clouds in the night sky
Check from consignment selling clothes

09.12.2013             9:00pm
Early in bed on a very rainy evening.
Flooding is occurring in many places especially in CO.
Cancelled a driving trip to Denver until next week.
Felt a bit out of sorts for a while but thankfully got Present.
Being in the moment helps to stabilize and renew me.
Presence… the only way to GO!
And the only way I know you are present, too.
Open my heart and mind.
Can you feel my heart and feel my body… Breathe.
Walked few minutes in the rain… felt good.
Had a bag of groceries under one arm and a plastic bag on my head!
I must of looked funny.
You are laughing.
Yes, I’m a silly, practical girl!
I drive a Subaru although I would love an older two-seat Mercedes convertible.
That’s the “sporting life” spirit within me
That has a scarf tied around my hair, top down
With miles of road out in front of us.
Yes, you are invited to join me.
Let’s go… anywhere… I’ll drive!

Rain & plastic bag hat
Getting present
Friends
Half moon bright with clouds
Step meeting

09.13.2013             10:30pm
Burrrrr…. 57 degrees and going cooler.
Pulled out boots, umbrella, raincoat, and cashmere scarf, too.
What a difference a couple of days make at this time of year.
And, I wonder where are you, my dear?
What climate and time zone are you currently residing in?
And do you need my arms around you to help warm the body?
This body needs you.
I’m in bed calling on all Gods and Spirits and Souls to help bring you to me!
A pink waffle cotton long sleeve tee
Will have to keep me warm along with thoughts of you.
I asked for love”… haunting voice singing…”Immortal Memory”.
Sleep is calling me with the hope of meeting you
In the near realm of dreamtime.
Go there with me now.

It stopped raining
Scrabble with Pam and Sam
Red and green chili
Laughing with Todd Scalise on the phone
Offering help

09.15.2013             9:54pm
These letters bring me to closer to you.
Last night, I did not write.
I apologize.
Sadness kept me from picking up this book.
Tonight, I am willing to let you know, I feel sad.
Tonight, these words allow me to feel connected to intimacy.
Tonight, yes, even though there are miles between us.
Tonight, my heart is open and loving you.
Tonight, yes, I keep breathing and believing.
Tonight, I must admit
Believing without seeing you,
Believing without hearing you,
Believing without touching you,
Makes believing feel lonely.
A song is playing right now;
Light and Shadow” from “The Dark Night of the Soul”.
This feeling will pass.
This too shall pass.

Deeply connecting with others
Sunlight on bowl
Pot of mums
Friends
God

09.16.2013             10:22pm

“Forget Me Not…
I’ve been awaiting you, and you’ve been awaiting me.
Tell me that you’ll always be true, and I’ll be the only one for you.
Forget me not, my dear, my darling.
Forget me not, my love.
I just want to hold your hand and hang on every word you say.
Let’s write a song for us, and sing it ‘til we’re old and grey…”
A married folk-duo team, The Civil Wars, is singing this song.
I’ll let these words express for me what I’m feeling tonight.
And one day, I’ll sing this song for you!
I’m reaching for the high notes.
I’m holding you in the harmony of a heart beating strong.
Forget me not, my love.
Remember me, my darling, as you travel, wherever you may be.
I am waiting, I am waiting, I am waiting.

HP having George K. call, he is a helper
Crying, really crying
Dropping check off at attorney
Fabulous tree with white curly pods
Arthur Dove clouds

09.17.2013             9:15pm
I’m in bed early, after being up early and having a full day.
Tomorrow is even busier, so rest is needed.
I’ll be driving to Denver with Julia Cameron.
We can pick up her new puppy, Lily, a 9 week old, a Westy.
I’m hoping it’s a safe, easy drive and a happy meeting for them.
What kind of dogs do you like?
I’m smiling thinking about having pets with you.
Walking the dogs in the morning and evening with you.
I see couples in this neighborhood walking their dogs every day.
I am taking a big breath in and out.
I wonder where we’ll meet and play and live.
Love is everywhere.
Love is within me and you are within my heart.
There’s a pillow for you in this bed.
There’s a kiss being sent to you right now, a sweet kiss.
Good night, love.

Fun at La Choza eating Mexican food with Mary, Drew and Jane
Painting with Florescent paint
Magpies
Being hopeful
Order in the studio

09.18.2013             11:00pm
There’s almost a full moon.
I feel it’s energy plus the road still moving in me.
Wish you were moving in me.
Wish we were in a beautiful hotel in the mountains.
I’m in the Mile High City of Denver in a garish hotel near a highway.
Thankfully, the room has a comfortable bed!
Today had a tough beginning.
I felt so powerless and hopeless.
No need for details.
The upshot is, a dear, loving friend, stayed steady
While I cried out my fears and woes.
She then helped me to stand up so I could carry on.
Was that you feeding me a chicken wrap with love in Whole Foods?
That was you, definitely in Spirit.
We laughed.
Timing.
It’s all about timing.

Safe drive to Denver
A chicken wrap with a real deal guy
Meltdown and breakthrough
Laughing
Amazing sunset cloudscape

09.19.2013             10:34pm
There is incredible light tonight.
I know it’s shining on you and me.
That warms my heart and rests my body.
Nine hours of car travel.
My body is in need of rest.
I witnessed “love at first sight”
Between a 65 year-old woman and an 8 week-old puppy!
Sweet.
Love at first sight.
Love beating at the door.
Are you coming towards me or going?
Tiredness is asking.
The energy of the moon is expanding.
An unexpected visit.
The unpremeditated journey.
I want to see you.
I want to touch you.
I want to hold you.
I want to kiss you.
Please.

Sparkle rain on pavement
Lilly, the puppy
Miles of incredible landscape
Rainbow
Antelope ranging on the plains

09.21.2013             11:32pm

Whisperings – The Night Season” by David Nevue
I don’t know anymore how or where or if ever we’ll meet.
I’m having a really hard time believing in how anything is “suppose to be”.
What I’m experiencing during “this time on earth” is baffling.
I’m sorry but I’ve been at the end of my rope the past few days
Hence I did not write you last night.
Right now, I feel a seed of hope, otherwise, why continue writing.
Is this intimacy: INTO ME YOU SEE.
Inside of me is a heart still beating strong and you are in it.
I cannot see you.
I cannot hear you.
I do not know who you are.
Yet you are in my heart.
Promise me you’ll come out.

Good movies
Being still
Sunlight on desk
Laughing at myself
Promise

09.22.2013             9:40pm           AUTUMN EQUINOX
A time for all seasons… a time for change.
Today, the was-band married his fourth wife.
I bless them and release the past.
I bless this life as I release what was so I can move forward
With the promise of my life and the invitation to you.
I drove into the northern hills, stopping in artist’s studios,
Meeting lovely people and standing alone on bluffs looking over vastness.
Moving.
You are on the move.
Come back to me soon.
Be safe love.
Stay warm, dry and alert.
See me in the clouds.
Hear me in the wind.
Feel me in your heart.
I saw a portrait of e.e. cummings today.
I carry your heart I carry it in my heart”.
Good night, Love.

Storm coming in
Drive to Truchas
Breakfast with four guys
Surrender
Loving you

09.23.2014             11:50pm
It’s late.
I went out tonight for dinner at La Choza
Then a concert at the Santa Fe Opera: Debbie Harry, who rocked.
She has a beautiful, strong voice and is an inspiration… she’s 68!
The audience was in their 50’s, 60’s, some older, and some younger.
I danced every song with lots of energy and fun.
Live music is so good for me.
Went with three lesbians… smile.
You really must get here soon.
The need in my body is beckoning.
Cool temperatures beg for companionship.
Wrap me in your hands, arms, and legs.
Lay down with me and let our bodies make heat.
Let our spirits laugh with joy.
Let our hearts dance with love.
Into a deep state of sleep, I dream of you.
Into a deep state of sleep, I am with you.

Framed five pieces of my art
Painted
Debbie Harry Concert
Bank deposit and refund
Peace

09.24.2013             10:00pm
Much cooler nights.
Need another warm body in this bed.
Yours.
Is that silly?
Warm me.
I’m so sleepy.

Excellent peaches with figs
I heal here
Breathing
Excellent morning meditation
Experimenting with paint

09.25.2013              No Time
I wonder, where are you?
And when will we meet … again?
I wonder does money really matter?
Will you love me less or more according to money, or property, or bank accounts?
The day, water, sun, moon, night – I do not have to purchase these things with money.
Someone told me to “get a job” and not to wait for a man to support me.
Well, I’m not getting a job or waiting.
I am a working artist.
I am supported.
I have everything I need today.
Yes, I wish you were here to share my life with.
Yet, I know my happiness, peace, and love are already here,
Within me and expressing through me.
How is that for romantic?

Small flower arrangement
Anxiety artist
Good walk
Leaves changing color
Living here

09.26.2013             10:00pm
Went to see the inspiring movie, “20 Steps to Stardom”.
Great music and amazing singers told the story of back-up singers.
I am so grateful tonight to be an artist
Who appreciates the stories of the women who sing for their life.
I paint for my life.
Is it an easy life?
No, but it is meaningful and fulfilling.
It is My Soul’s Journey.
It is My Spirit’s Expression.
It is My Life’s Calling.
From within comes that which I must do.
Creative expression.
Today, I also met a man who writes screenplays.
This is another art form I am interested in experiencing.
I hope to talk with him about writing movies.
Smile… an epic Love Story.
Guess who will be starring?
It is You, My Brightest Star.
Sweet Dreams.

20 Steps to Stardom!!!!! And popcorn
I’m cultivating friendships”.
Painting
Being honest and affirming of who I am
Walking to get mail; $157 reimbursed from lawyer

09.27.2013             11:09pm
Three years ago I went to a workshop led by an American Indian.
He described what women and men need to exchange with one another:
The Eagle Feather = 12 Core Principles
FEMALE                             MALE
CARING                              TRUST
UNDERSTANDING           ACCEPTANCE
RESPECT                            ADMIRATION
DEVOTION                         APPRECIATION
VALIDATION                     APPROVAL
REASSURANCE                 ENCOURAGEMENT
DAILY – BUILD ON THESE IN EXCHANGE = UNION
I look forward to building on these with you.
I look forward to forming an intimate, sacred relationship.
I look forward to knowing the Divine in you.
The touch of your skin on mine.
The color of your hair.
To see the galaxies behind your eyes.
To hear the tone of your voice.
The sound of your footsteps.
To meet you in the quiet space that is waiting.
Inviting us to enter.

Listening to live music
Free of anxiety
Lunch with friends
New shoes
Painting mailed

09.28.2013             11:11pm

“Love grants in a moment what toil can hardly achieve in an age”. Johann Wolfgang Goethe
Two year’s ago while staying at Virginia’s place in NYC, I wrote the following:
Waiting out a snowstorm in Manhattan
My Soul directs me to SEEING these things
While leafing through the New York Times;
A movie ad for Young Goethe In Love
With an image of a couple embracing and kissing.
And I know the promise of this kiss.
I know Love grants in a moment.
I hear my heart beating in my body along
With radiators creaking heat
Wind howling through the avenue
That is now snow covered
And sleepy”
Tonight I hear the heat blowing through the vents.
Temperatures threatening a freeze.
I know the warmth of your kiss in my mind-full memory.
Love grants in a moment.
I close my eyes and feel you here in Spirit.
Welcome Love.

“Beasts” Exhibit and Party
Dancing alone at home listening to Sting
Sharing stories with friend
Believing
Living my Heart’s Desire

09.29.2013             9:57pm
Another full day with quiet evening home alone.
Happy to relax, eat a salad, and watch a little TV.
Bringing my energy inward.
Now bringing you into focus.
I walk through my days seeing you
In the way a couple stroll together
An arm linked through an arm.
Sunlight touching aspen leaves now golden.
The air chilling my skin.
A melody Dancing Spirits.
I delight in the feel of you near.
I walked at sunset, each step a step closer to you.
I walked to the ends of the earth and
Beyond to be with you in a waking dream.
I have fluorescent sneakers so you can see me walking towards you.
Yes, that’s me with the Bright Feet!
And the open heart and the broad smile and the outstretched arms
And the promise of Sacred Love
And the best roll in the hay to make your day.
LET ME!

Seeing the “real deal” art
Meeting Bella and Harry, furry friends
Sharing a service at Center for Spiritual Living with friends
River rushing
Sky, Light, Clouds, Earth… THEE

10.01.2013                   10:34pm
This is the night that I wish you were here to comfort and help me.
Property and money issues from former marriage are front and center
Including a consult with an attorney.
But enough of that.
Watching TV, The Voice and then CNN Political Talking Heads.
“Government Shutdown” absorbed my mind for a few hours.
Comforting? Not.
So I bring my thoughts to this moment and you and breathe.
Embracing arms and a smile no matter what the circumstances
That’s what we can offer one another, a kiss or two.
An affectionate warm body in bed while one reads or writes or draws.
Then lights out on a day lived as best as one can live it.
This is what I dream for, my heart’s desire.
This is a night that I wish this dream were reality.
Soon, I hope, Love, to see you, to be with you.
Soon and until then, my heart has your heart within me.

Unwavering belief in you
Observing
Amends
The Golden Key
Changing color of leaves

10.02.2013                   9:38pm
Sitting in the studio is an Exhibit all ready to be moved and installed.
Yes, I wish you were here to see it.
Eighteen pieces that include collage, painting and drawing
It will be up for the month of October.
BOO! Autumn and Halloween
Where are you tonight while I write these words?
Wherever you may be, I surround you with love, peace, and light.
I close my eyes and imagine you near to me.
Soon.
This will be real.
Right now I’m in a wave of night sweeping over me.
Body ready for sleep.
So I say, Good Night Love.
Sleep with me.

Exhibit ready to go
Peace within
Focus on God and what is good
Sobriety
Spirit connection
Resting with you

10.03.2013                   10:23pm
What a thrill to see the installation of my artwork at Counter Culture.
Really looks beautiful.
Can finally stop thinking about it, the choosing of work and hanging it.
DONE!
Now I get to invite people to see it.
My hope is many will buy pieces and take them home to live with.
I’m laughing…. Like me finding you and taking you home!
And happily living together, forever and ever!
I love writing that.
Still laughing.
It’s nice to feel this happy and a good tired, too.
Have a full belly after eating with Pam and Sam at Counter Culture.
I treated us to dinner, a thank you to Pam for helping me install show.
Jason, the owner, gave us dessert.
Came home, watched an hour of TV, and now to sleep.
You are forever and ever in my heart.

Exhibit looks great!
Friends helping
Stay… Staying power
Gratitude
Gladiolas on the bedside table

10.04.2013                   10:14pm
Blue Moon” is being played on a piano, thank you Pandora.
I love it.
Makes me smile because it’s simple and I am appreciating simple.
Now Fernando Ortega from NM, “Tossed By the Wind” piano.
Captivating.
I so enjoy listening to music throughout the day and while writing to you.
The musical score to our Sacred Love Story.
I imagine rubbing elbows, toes, and noses with you.
Don’t ask me to what music!
I’ll ask you to choose.
With a full day behind me, I’m sleepy.
Temps are dropping below 32 degrees.
My body knows it like a bear.
I’m happy to be in my cave.
I’m happy today was the first official day of exhibit.
Shoulders down and at ease, thankful, wishful, and expectant.
Positive expectancy.
Believing in you.
Nite sweetie

These piano songs!
Seeing Bruce Lloyd
Fun trip to ABQ
Handing out invites and emailing invites
Speaking at a meeting

10.05.2014                   10:20pm
“Fools rush in where wise men will never go…
Open your heart and let me rush in”.
Let the electricity between us, the magnetism, draw our bodies close.
So close the heat is undeniable, the desire is unstoppable.
Let the cascade of love that has been unrequited explode into a symphony
For all to hear, for you, for me, for us, my dear.
With you, let every kiss I’ve imagined be realized
Repeated every day in every way imaginable!
Let this smile be reflected in the pools of your eyes
For a Thousand Years and beyond.
I close my eyes and feel you here with me.
Good Night, Sweetheart.

A Bachelorette Party
Changing my name to ELLA for a day!
Wedding baskets
Seeing the leaves change
Spontaneous visit to an artist’s home

10.06.2013                   10:14pm
Another full day with a restful evening
A meeting, service and Potluck lunch at Center for Spiritual Living
A fundraiser concert then an evening home watching movies
The Prince of Tides” with Barbara Streisand and Nick Nolte; excellent.
There are many kinds of love especially in healing.
A friend said to me, “You are exactly where you need to be.
Trust Divine Order”
Feeling a little post-exhibit mystery.
What next?
Be focused in the moment
See what will happen.
Abundance is in the moment.
Sleep is in my eyes.
I can barely stay awake.
Smile.
If you were here, a sweet kiss.
Good night, sweetie, would be it!
Have I asked you,
“What is your favorite time to make love”?

Live music and dancing
Abundance
Divine Order
Clean car… I washed it!
Perfect weather

10.07.2013                   9:48pm
These feelings don’t go away…”
Love at first sight.
I fell in love with you at first sight.
A glimpse of you called me to stay
Turn around, stay, walk towards you, stay.
This insistent feeling keeps me engaged.
Yes, an insistence of your presence that defies
Circumstance or physical evidence or logic.
You are in my heart and this is real Sacred Love.
Now let me be wholly honest.
I sure would like to be next to you right now.
Yet Divine Order has yet to deliver
The man for me will be by Universal Delivery!
Is there overnight express so I can see you in the morning?
So you can be at the Art and Food Party at Counter Culture?
So we can walk through the golden aspens?
You are present in my thoughts and here in Spirit.
I fell for you at first sight.

Listening to music
Health is wealth
The thought of you
Gold everywhere
Comfort in my own skin
All the great blessings of my life are present in my thoughts today”.

10.08.2013                   10:48pm
Good news, a piece of new work, florescence with energy, sold.
Twelve friends joined me for dinner and to see the exhibit at Counter Culture.
I felt nervous before the event.
So I wrapped up a wedding gift and dropped it off to the couple.
Move a muscle and change a thought.
Now that the “soft” opening is over, I need a few days of rest.
Would love to go to the beach.
Please take me… a request!
Instead, I’ll be quiet, go to a meeting each day.
Dial the energy inward. RESET
Be in the moment and dream a little or a lot.
I have plaid PJ bottoms on that were a gift.
Life is Good. Dream a Little Dream” is written on them.
Dark pinks, fushia, and red and I love them, a lot.
Yes, PJ’s make me happy and colors happier.
Colors of passion and love are covering me.
Now, here I go into the dream world where I hope to see you.

A red dot!
Support of friends
Zinnias
Her head on his shoulder; seeing the couple in the beat up car
Meeting Kira the Shiba Inu puppy at Trader Joe’s

10.10.2014                          10:34pm
Today the power went out for several hours
It felt unnerving.
Stuff like this makes me really want you here with me.
Putting candles out, finding flashlights.
Going to the store to get more batteries so the flashlights work!
Wanting you to be here and say,
“Honey, let me take you out to dinner. Everything is okay.”
Wrapping your arms around me.
Kissing my head and cheeks and nose.
Because you know I’m unnerved and need a safety net.
I need you and you like that I need you
And you smile deep into my soul.
I am so grateful for this, this soul connection, on this earth.
Today the power went out when a fierce storm blew through here.
Rain, hail, wind, amazing sky and clouds.
Flying by and then breaking as the sun said good night
The stars and a sliver of a moon said hello to me
As I pulled into the driveway and saw the lights on!
The only thing that could have been better is seeing you here.
Lights out and loving on!

Swift, crazy storm
Sold three B&W paintings to Sony Productions for NBC TV series
This music, “Dawn Shimmer”, East End of the Moon, Deuter
Imaging you here with me
Corgis at the mall

10.11.2014                  10:54pm
Oh, my love, I have a belly full of good food and birthday cake and a happy heart.
You are in this belly and always in this heart.
At the party, everyone read a poem or story, everything from Dr. Seuss to the Tao.
I read two pieces of my writing:
The Best Thing that Happened to Me Over the Decade” and “Now that I am Age 60 ”.
The choice I made was to share something intimate and personal.
I’m glad I did… I let my light shine
My Voice is what I’ve been given, My Personal Legacy.
I was deeply appreciated.
Can you see me?
I am here.
What a decade it has been and what a day.
I am so happy to be sharing this with you.
One day at a day, the calendar changes.
With it, the hope that you are closer to me.
A chair is at the table waiting for you.
I am here. I am here.

Painted the commissioned pieces.
Sharing my writing with the birthday guests
Laughing and having fun with new friends
Letting my light shine
Carrying spiders outside almost everyday the Buddha Way

10.13.2013                   10:03pm
Dearest Beloved, I went to a wedding today on the mountain.
A guest read, “Everything we need to know we learned in kindergarten”.
Be kind and gentle. Don’t shove. Hold Hands.
My hand is in yours and I am not pushing or pulling.
But being patient is not always easy.
After the wedding, I decided to drive to the top of the mountain
Where there is a scenic pullout.
I stood outside, looking over the breathtaking land and sky.
An overview of Santa Fe all the way to CO, heaven and beyond.
I prayed, a prayer of wonder, of awe, of gratitude.
I was going to throw the “wedding stone” over the wall then thought,
Keep it… I’ll give it to the couple on their first anniversary.
Dearest Beloved, I hold this stone and the wish that you will be with me then.

Road trip to Abiquiu
Walking in the dry riverbed
Driving to the top of the mountain after the wedding
Believing in the vows the bride and groom shared
Settling in as the sun gently set and the temperature dropped.
Listening to Aspen leaves flutter

10.14.2013                   10:14pm
The walk I took today at sunset was very special because I took photos.
I felt energy surge as I went along the acequia that is still full and running.
I had fun with the store and gallery windows reflecting images
As I headed south on Canyon Road towards home.
Trees are amazing with the passionate kiss of autumn.
These private moments of creativity bring me closer to you.
This is my gift for you:
The promise of many seasonal walks, sweet smiles
Infinite expressions of beauty and love.
I think that’s a sleigh full of presents.
Come close to me, my dear Beloved.
Come share this amazing world with.
The camera helps me to see with my Soul’s Eyes.
I see you everywhere!

Take autumn when it comes and rejoice
Walking Canyon Road and Acequia Madre at sunset and taking photos
Receiving $811 for paintings, being self-supporting through my artwork
Laughing with Robert over soup
Painting white on black canvas

10.15.2013                  10:09pm
Well, tonight I wore a knee-length, black cashmere coat.
That’s the official announcement – It’s cold out and it may snow.
I have Patagonia silk leggings on to stay warm while I write.
Thinking of you.
Hope you are somewhere cozy.
I’m feeling very sleepy.
It was a good day with a variety of activities:
Errands, meditation meeting, work in studio.
Thai dinner at Mudu with a friend.
I want to take you to this restaurant… yummy food.
Watched couples.
I thankfully have you with me everywhere I go.
Right now, I pray to see you in my dreams again and again.
My eyes are looking.
My eyelids are beautiful.
Good night, Love.

Twirling and dancing in the rain from the street to the front door
Sending V’s birthday gift
Sleep
New Vision notebook
Collage “in your future success will come to your plans”
Bamboo and shadows

10.16.2013                 10:46pm
Up late watching a very authentic and funny movie about turning 40;
Having kids, being parents, dealing with one’s own parents.
Not quite my experience but laughable.
Today I wanted to take my Amex card, drive to the airport and pick a flight
To get out of Dodge.
Escape and have a major change of scene.
Yet I know, I take myself with me.
So I worked in the studio and painted; my transformative travel.
Wore black all day then put on florescent orange sneakers
And bright pink zip sweatshirt
To go have tea with a friend at Counter Culture.
Straightened out a crooked piece of art in my exhibit… satisfying.
Came home, put on an orange fleece jacket over pink>
Went for a walk.
Sun setting earlier and temps getting cooler.
Need gloves and a hat.
Need you!
If I knew where you were
I would take my Amex card
Go to the airport
Get on the first flight to be with you.
I am really wishing you were in my everyday life, mister.

Painting out my Spirit that saves me
Healthy meals
Cold air on my face while walking
Friends
Staying in for most of the day

10.17.2013                  9:09pm
Feels good to be in bed early.
Big moon in the big sky is full at 5:37pm tomorrow.
Smile and reset energy.
Collage on table was a reset today.
Released an image and added the one I want to know.
Who is this one?
Who are you?
And how close are you to me?
I put in a directive prayer this morning.
I’m ready.
Monica, the housekeeper
Gave me a Stay Calm and Carry One
A condom!
I have a condom in my purse.
That’s new.
Lining up the energy of the universe
The light of the moon
The desire to spoon
My love, soon.
I’m keeping the fire going.

Helping the woman at Target whose purse was lost and found
Making amends for saying something thoughtless
Working with Robert
Seeing full moon rising while walking
Clear

10.18.2013                 10:25pm
A very full moon and a night out on the town
With not one but two eligible bachelors!
Yes, you might want to take note
I’m partying with male energy.
Wish you could see the grin on my scrubbed and ready for bed face.
I love you.
I know you are not the jealous kind.
Early to bed last night was just what I needed
For the high energy of this evening.
Worked in the studio all afternoon.
I then walked to Photo-Eye Books and Gallery
Where there was a book signing by the local photographers
Whose self portraits are in the “Autophotography” book.
Allan bought me a copy and I asked 40 of the 80 artists to sign it.
The other 40 were not there.
It was great fun; like a crowded, high school yearbook event.
Then went out for Green Chili Cheeseburgers
With sweet potato fires and a hot fudge sundae.
Being indulgent and making me more to love.
Oh my dear, wish you were here.

Fun under the moon
Painting and collaging
Autophotography book signing like high school
Chili Cheeseburger with a little hot fudge sundae
After party and laughing

10.19.2013                 10:00pm
Beethoven Moonlight Sonata, breathlessly beautiful and dramatic.
Progressive runs along the piano keys make me feel your fingers.
I feel the keys pressing, releasing, and sounding
The distinctive notes moving through me.
Now listening to another song, Flight Being
From the CD Walking Through the Clouds.
Here in the ethers is where we meet
And in the notes of a sonata
And in the feel of cool air upon my skin
And within my heart where your heart resides
I watched a couple kiss and felt your lips upon mine.
And I smiled deeply.
Reaching inward, I reach for you.
Meet me love
Meet me so I may know in this lifetime
This Sacred Love that is bursting
Through my veins on a burning mission to know
Who are we?
Smiling, I wonder who we are going to be.

The Alchemy of the Full Moon
To Be of Service
Very green salad
Hanging out with artists, my tribe
Looking at art and listening to Pandora music

10.20.2013                 11:15pm
Today I did a little more food shopping.
Put the fruits, veggies in a bowl on the kitchen counter and photographed.
I find this so beautiful and representing the abundance in my life.
I cooked pumpkin chili to eat with a very green salad.
Shared it all with a friend after going to art supply store for frames.
She found the perfect frame with mat for a great value.
We had a good time preparing for her art salon.
I’m grateful for our friendship.
She laughed when I told her
“You need a wife today. I’ll be your wife.”
We all need someone to cover our back.
I was able to do that for a friend today.
I’ll cover your back, Love.
And feed you chili with salad
And laugh about life
And snuggle with you after dinner
Please be my guest, be my Beloved.

Making Pumpkin Chili and eating it with a friend
Helping to set up exhibit – Pam’s Salon
Beautiful sunset clouds and moon
Believing without seeing
Buying “money tree” and putting it in the living room
Abundance

10.21.2013                10:00pm
Today is three months that I’ve been writing to you.
That’s the way I’ve lived these past four years.
90 days at a time, a season at a time.
We’ve seen summer fade into autumn, warm temps to cool.
With winter in the wings, my love
It sure would be good to be with you in person.
Almost didn’t write tonight but when I saw the date, I had to.
Sleepiness wants to take me
But my heart is beating sleep back, for the moment.
Lay down next to me
Put your head on the pillow
Let my body warm you
As I kiss your lips, your spirit and your soul.
Good night.
We sleep together, even now.
Sacred Love makes it so.

Photographing wood, light, plants, spirit
Advance
I don’t know how this is all working but it is
God is working in my life
I need to know that

10.22.2013                9:20pm
This day started at 4:30am so I am very sleepy.
My mind woke up before my body.
It took a Spiritual Conversation to start the day
Over on a new groove.
The Groove of Grace.
Stay Now!
I love Goethe.
I stayed in the moment as best I could.
Took me to a kinder and gentler place.
Grace.

Facial gift
Daily Word turning my mind to Grace
I receive the Grace of God
Pink gerber daisies with black centers
Reaching out

10.23.013                9:45pm
Listening right now to “Sad Violin” on Pandora.
Music that will make you cry.
I’m smiling, feeling much better today after I read an article
Realized, I needed to lose everything
I lost this past 4 ½ years in order to be right where I am to succeed.
I need Surrender and Acceptance far beyond me to understand everything.
Yet my heart is at peace tonight.
I’m tired in the best way.
Had a varied and fun day.
And you, how was your day?
Where in the world are you, love?
My arms and legs and lips and body and spirit are asking.
You are you in my heart always.
Good night

Singing a Fleetwood Mac song loud w
while dancing and laughing with friends in a church parking lot
Rereading James Clear article about JK Rowling
Helping Pam put up show of her art and eating dinner
Pink clouds
Hearing Bea’s story

10.23.2013                10:30pm
Well Mr. Man, life is pouring in life energy as I tell you this.
Have I told you I am activating and cultivating male energy
Within me and all around me?
Masculinity, I need it and am attracting what I need.
Does this magnetic pull reach you?
Are you drawing closer as I write?
I do hope so!
Tonight during my walk on Canyon Road.
I went into the Trunk Shows at the galleries.
One gallery featured custom fit clothing for men.
I thoroughly enjoyed thinking of clothing you!
Beautiful Portuguese fabrics, nice patterns, texture with fine detailing.
I imagined you in front of me, smiling and dressed well.
So handsome
So very sexy
So my Beloved hunk of male energy!
I’m loving and thinking of you, Sweetie.

A Small World” story
Fashion week Trunk Shows on Canyon Road galleries – fun
Coffee with James at Downtown Subscription – smart man
Spontaneous lunch here with Pam
Feeling pretty

10.24.2013                10:13pm
Clear, present, real, tender, loving, true
These are what attributes I think of when I think of you.
No shape shifting
Solid, beautiful – inside and out – and so handsome
Strong, funny, caring, generous, thoughtful, smart, sexy, sweet
Oh
I’m having a moment taking you in and words stand still.
In the silence, I embrace your presence.
I go to sleep a happier soul because I know you are in this world.
You are in my heart living with me.
Sacred Love connects us across the miles.
Good night Darling.

You Tube video of me, Richard and Eva singing
Call from Mexico
Helping a friend at her exhibit
Fresh air after the rain
Good food
Radiant health, HEALTH IS WEALTH

10.27.2013              10:19pm
The past four evenings I’ve watched the last few innings
World Series, Red Sox verses the Cardinals
Real good games
Wish we were watching together.
I enjoy play off games in al sports.
I pick a team and become a fan.
I’m your fan, sweetheart, your biggest fan, by the way!
Can you see me calling out your name, smiling and clapping for you?
I will always be here for you, cheering you on, and have your back.
I’m by your side with much pride.
When we watch sports we’ll have lots of fun
Competing for the sake of making the game more exciting.
What are you watching tonight on TV or doing?
I’m in Santa Fe enjoying autumn with lots of time on my own.
I appreciate a meal with friends.
And this Sunday, I go to sleep full of love
Gratitude thinking of you, love.
Nite…

Red Sox win game 4 tying up World Series 2 – 2
Walk on Canyon Road
Phone visits with family and friends

10.28.2013              No Time
Took a big loop walk at sunset wrapped
In black leather and sunglasses.
Striding
Hair tossing
Spirit with you
This day brings a significant seasonal change.
Feeling cool both inside and out.
Layer up
This night brings you a sleepy girl to this bed and pen.
Eyes are closing and behind my eyelids, I place stars.
These stars are shining all the time reminding me of you.
You are shining within me always
Softly into slumber.

A normal day
Experimenting in the studio
Solitude
Walking, walking, walking
Making appointment with accountant and preparing

10.30.2013                10:00pm
I feel happy and relieved tonight
After a meeting with a new accountant
Who will have my 2012 taxes filed next week.
Will help me from now on.
Thank you
I needed a stable, considerate person.
That’s who showed up.
We even had a few laughs.
Accountant told me if I’m not married by 2015
I can collect Social Security from former husband.
I said “It’s likely since I don’t leave the house!”
That’s because I know you are on your way to me.
Wherever you are tonight, I hope you can feel my love.
A moment of silence will let the love in.
And this is taking me into sleep where I’ll meet you
In the ethers

Excellent meeting new accountant
Red Sox win World Series at Fenway
Easy Does It but Doing It
Resetting
Visiting with friends at Counter Culture
Friend here for lunch
Another painting possibly sold

10.31.2013                 10:00pm
BOO!
An unusual Halloween
More to be seen
I’m grateful to be in bed after a strange day sweetheart.
I need you to scare away the creepy bullies.
I’m doing the best I can.
But know your presence will make a big difference.
Glad the day is at an end
With it came the closing exhibit at Counter Culture
Another change
Dreaming is calling me.
I’m one sleepy girl.
I love and want you.

Standing outside in the sun
Celebrating the Santa Fe Walkway Fun
Wearing orange pants
Going to Halloween Party
Staying centered
Clearing energy

11.02.2013                  8:50pm
In bed early
I’m recovering from a headache.
Too much thinking; too much worry
Too much with a lot of things leveled me yesterday.
I woke up with pain in my head and had to rest.
Body does not lie.
I’m very tired.
This really is a love letter.
An honest note to you.
This is my vulnerability.
I’m tired of living alone
Eating meals alone
Going places alone
Yet I know
I am not alone.
I am one with Spirit
I am one with you
Wherever you may be.
It would please me to feel your hand
In the small of my back
As I took one more step forward.
Today I heard a new definition of humility;
The ability to tolerate not knowing”
God help me
To be tolerant and patient and stay out of my head
It’s much gentler and nicer in my heart and friendly.
You are there.
See you on the other side.

Feeling physically better
Receiving $350 for painting
Eating healthy and enjoying it
Listening to my heart beat, listening to my heart music

11.03.2013                  11:08pm
There is a holiness to the hearts affection.” John Keats
Stayed up to watch one of my favorite films:
Bright Stars, by Jane Campion about the romance
Between Fanny Brawne and John Keats.
Epic love story brings me to tears.
Unrequited love
Keats died at 25 years old never to return to Fanny and marry.
The “butterfly” scene is a note of sheer genius
Along with the scene of the “open window”;
Sheer curtain blown by wind while
Fanny lies down on her bed and
Her dress ripples orgasmically.
Sensuous beauty
This was a day filled with sensuous beauty.
I drove to Dixon for the Studio Tour
Connecting with artist friends.
Adding ceramics to my collection.
Someday, dear, we’ll have a home for these treasures.
Today, dear, they are my keepsakes of the heart’s affection for you.
PS I give to you a New Moon
See you soon, love

Beautiful Northern New Mexico
Visiting Artist’s Studios
Bless Judith V – Light and healing all around
Laughing at meeting
This is my best day and this is my life
Your Voice

11.04.2013                9:15pm
This little chickadee is sleepy.
Too much caffeine yesterday.
Kept me awake way late so I slept 5 hours.
We are tucked in early tonight, baby.
It’s raining and cold outside.
I’m so grateful to be sheltered from the storm.
Wind is howling.
Lightening everywhere.
It’s electrical, baby!
But this is not going to keep me from sleep.
Earplugs are about to go in.
Lights out.
I let go into your heart that is beating within mine.
You are my shelter.
I love you.

Collage, collage, collage
Artist Residency – I’m in it now.
Following the paint energy
Making a date for lunch
Staying still and chilling as the storm blew in

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