Love Letter to Life 05.17.2022 Results and Progress

Dear Life, I meet at 9:30 with Dr Herbert to discuss the reports from scans and bloodwork. It’s been a challenging few weeks because I’ve been down with cold/virus yet today we’re looking at the bigger health issues of Lymphoma. Then I receive Immunotherapy infusion treatment. Truthfully, I feel like pulling the covers over my head and not leaving bed but I know I have to show up. So get into the shower, get dressed, and be on time.
Show up with gratitude for the help I receive.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose

Love Letter to Life 05.16.2022 The Sky Is White

Dear Life, Woke to an eerie sky. Smoke and clouds. Heat and wind. Not a healthy air quality. Throat dry and eyes burn. The only thing falling from above in many regions is ash. The instinct of “creatures” is to flee when fire threatens. I think this is setting up all kinds of neurological and physical responses. Hard to carry on with “life as usual”.
There is nothing usual about this.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose

Watercolor

Love Letter to Life 05.15.2022 Life From The Moon

Dear Life, I feel like a space creature from the moon after two weeks of essentially living in bed. Healing the head cold/virus is slow going due to compromised immune system. However, looking at this collage, I see on May 18, 2020, I was in the hospital, so I’m grateful for my strange existence in my home “bubble” rather than in the hospital. There’s a little bit of uptick in energy and a glimmer of hope that my body is turning a corner. Hopefully, I will return to earth-living in the very near future. Happy Full Moon, Friends
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose

Love Letter to Life 05.10.2022 A Masquerader

Dear Life, Two weeks in bed with all the symptoms of Lymphoma and the oncologist said yesterday, “you have a head cold”. My tragic mind had gone to Covid, ruled out by test and cancer progressing ruled out by bloodwork. I felt relieved and embarrassed. Drink lots of fluids, take decongestants to move infection out of head, throat and stomach, and rest, rest, rest. Doctor sent me up to chemo suite for an infusion of Saline. I went from “OH My GOD I’m actually afraid of dying” to “PRM get out of drama and in the life flow of being relieved and healing”. The oncologist said” This is the first cold you’ve had since cancer”. It’s like I am a baby and everything is a “first time” and feels big.
Yours Truly, Baby PRM WHAH

Acrylic Painting

Love Letter to Life 05.06 2022 More About Cancer

Love Letter to Life 05.06 2022 More About Cancer

Dear Life, This statement by Dr Nina Shah says a whole lot:

“One cell got really selfish and decided it needed to take up all the resources of everybody else (cells), and in doing so, took up space and energy from the rest of the body”.

This feels accurate inside of my body. Energy gets zapped. Strength and appetite diminishes. Cancer and treatments, especially chemotherapy, create “brain fog”. Each day with few exceptions, I have risen up to meet this formidable foe to-to-toe. I am on the rise today. Some of you have thanked me for the “education”. I knew so little about cancer before I was diagnosed so I’m passing on a little knowledge and experience.
Thank you all for sending energy my way. I feel it.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose

Acrylic Painting

Love Letter to Life 05.05.2022 Blood Cancer

Dear Life, Here is a description of blood cancer disease:

“In general, having a blood cancer means that your bone marrow is not functioning correctly. And when bone marrow doesn’t function correctly, you have something happen to you like anemia. Or you can have low platelets, which means it is possible for you to bleed easily. Or your immune system is not functioning correctly.” Dr Nina Shah, MD

All of this has happened within me plus other symptoms for over three years. The disease plus the rigorous treatments impact my energy, take up time and space, change my life on a regular basis. I am following the Instagram and Facebook Project, The Isolation Journals by Suleika Jaouad, writer, artist, and wife of Jon Baptiste. Also reading her NYT bestseller, Between Two Kingdoms: A Memoir of a Life Interrupted. Suleika was diagnosed with Leukemia at 22 and again at 32. She’s had two Bone Marrow Transplants and is in treatment in NYC. Her journey is an inspiration. Doctors recommended I have another transplant but I chose against it and then offered the Clinical Trail. This is a daily uphill battle. I am grateful for the hope in others.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose

Watercolor 02.19.2019

Love Letter to Life 05.03.2022 A Ghost of Oneself

Dear Life, The past few days I’ve felt like a ghost of myself. Low ebb of energy, little creativity and flatline emotions. Cancer can feel this way sometimes. Add to it the high winds, fire, smoke. Well, it’s a lot. Yesterday I heard this line in a movie: “Grief is a house that blows into the air at the slightest gust”. I am grieving my past life trusting a new one will rise from the ashes. This takes faith that isn’t always in me. Please lend me yours until me and my ghost can build a new life.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose

Ghost Painting

Love Letter to Life 04.30.2022 SMOKE

Dear Life, There is a New Moon and Solar Eclipse today. I made this collage quite awhile ago and have been waiting to post on a New Moon day. Do I travel on the road away from fires or travel inward on the surface of a canvas where the air is cleaner. When my Iphone Weather App opens up and says SMOKE staying inside is the best choice. Please stay safe.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose

Collage 02.06.2022