Dear Life, I gratefully celebrate 42 years of sobriety, love, and life today. Thank you.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose

Dear Life, Visit with Dr. Herbert was encouraging. “Your bloodwork is much better. Let’s see what 3 months of consistent treatment will bring. Surgery is behind you. PetScan will be at the end of May”. Today I have infusion 9:30-3:30. Next one will be first week of April and May. I will take oral meds 21 days then 7 days off, repeat: half the previous dosage. Body took a big hit from the surgery but is recovering. I’m thankful it was successful.
A day at a time for 90 days. An excellent plan. Hello Spring!
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose

Watercolor 03.09.2021

Dear Life, Bloodwork indicated the booster injection bumped the white blood cells and neutrophils over normal. Red blood counts still down. I’ll discuss this and treatment at 4pm oncologist appointment. This morning, I’m feeling well enough to accept a friend’s invite to take a drive out to Galisteo with a stop at Cafe Fina. Pancakes are in my near future. The temperature is rising outside and with it, this amazing body. Let there be Life!
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose

Watercolor 03.07.2023

Dear Life, Days are turning into weeks in bed. The combination of surgery, cancer treatment, low blood counts, and little appetite have crushed my body. My Spirit knows “I am me” but little else in me identifies with the state I am in. Vitality feels like a distant dream. Here is one of my paintings: a spiritual broom preparing my body for Spring. New bird songs arrive each day.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose

White Acrylic on Black Canvas

Dear Life, The White Blood Cell injection boosts the ability for bone marrow to produce more blood cells. It also makes the bones achy. My body is working hard to build cells that are good for me and kill cancer cells. It’s an inferno inside of me. I did have a little more energy yesterday; going to Cancer Center, seeing the nurses and a couple of friends later in the day. I stood up during one of the visits so the chemicals would get the message “We are upright and in motion. I am not giving up.” I painted a watercolor for my Soul to see a pink cloud. Hope to be driving into some big landscapes and beautiful skies soon. Blue Angel needs a good washing. The winds are blowing and gave it the “dusty Santa Fe look”.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose

Watercolor 02.27.2023

Dear Life, This morning I go to cancer center to get a white blood cell booster. My blood counts are critical leaving me in quarantine and bed. All thoughts need to be focused on bumping up my blood, creating stem cells in my immune system and having faith in the process. I appreciate all the food friends dropped off this weekend. I gratefully thank you and ask for your continued prayers and positive vibes.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose

Collage

Dear Life, I’m in the new Infusion Suite at Nexus Cancer Center. It’s a long day 9-4. My blood counts have tanked in the past week so treatment is being changed. I’ll receive a White Blood Cell booster on Monday. Cutting oral medication dose in half. Infusions continue. I’m amazed at the resiliency of my body as I go through surgery recovery and ongoing treatments. Yesterday, a friend listened lovingly as I cried in frustration.
Today is a new day.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose

WC 02.23.2023

Dear Life, It is fair to say that 42 years of practicing the principles of sobriety (12 steps), prepares me for cancer: the diagnosis(s), the treatments, the unknowns. I am finding a new life. What makes daily living with cancer tolerable is having faith and hope for a cure as I confront how I can be of some service to others even at my most vulnerable. I can write a “Love Letter to Life” and share it with you, hoping that someone may find something they need. Yesterday, I cancelled the mammogram because I didn’t want to go out in the storm. Plus, the stitches from surgery are still healing. Better to wait and be safe.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose

This reading came up in my emails today: “Such is the paradox of A.A. regeneration: strength arising out of complete defeat and weakness, the loss of one’s old life as a condition for finding a new one.”— A.A. COMES OF AGE, p. 46

Acrylic paint on Black canvas

Dear Life, “The highest creative expression for a human being is to be able to create something new right in the face of adversity, and the worse the adversity, the greater the opportunity”. Jonah Hill from the movie Stutz. I’ve seen this in recovery. People crushed by addiction, including myself 42 years ago, and out of that adversity, create new lives. I face another adversity, cancer, that I’ve faced each day for over three years, sometimes more creatively than others. Today I’ll be content to shower, dress, clean up kitchen, eat lunch, go for a mammogram, attend 6-7 Zoom meeting, eat dinner in front of the TV…
and don’t get blown off the planet by the cold, ferocious wind!
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose

Acrylic on Black Canvas