Dear Life, Since 7:30am, I’ve been tucked into a curtained cubicle receiving 2 units of blood. Infusion takes 5-6 hours. Yesterday I received a white cell stimulation injection in my belly at the Cancer Center. I need these treatments to help falling blood counts. My body is unfortunately not holding onto or multiplying blood cells and platelets. Not good news. Please keep the prayers coming. I really do feel your positive intentions mentally, emotionally and spiritually… and that helps heal my body. Acceptance is key.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose

Dear Life, Honey bees love the hive. Trees need their roots. Pamela Rose is lifting up roots after three years to plant new seeds. I’m moving from “the nest” to “the jewel box”. I’m in awe of my life force as I honor the severity of my health issues. Friends are showing up to do what my body cannot. We are a tribe who “walk our talk” and help others. Blood work and doctor visit today. Fuel tank feels low but not empty. We’ll see what’s happening on the inside while Grace carries me through this day.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose

Dear Life, As I prepare to move, I am clarifying core needs, values and goals: Cozy home to support health, love, wholeness, and beauty; Studio for producing books with writing plus images, including Love Letters to Life; Eat-in Kitchen for nutritious, yummy meals, enjoyed solo and with friends; Living room for reading and watching mindful and mindless WiFi TV; Portal with cafe table to sit outdoors, watch clouds, and hear birds and children playing. There’s a grammar school in the neighborhood. New Life.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose

Dear Life, Yesterday friends packed books and art. Disassembling a home is sad and unnerving. I’ll be my new place in 10 days. This is the “in-between”. Living in boxes and packing supplies. Sorting through the housewares, clothes, office and art supplies. All the phone calls and planning must be done. I feel the tension in my compromised body within an hour of waking. A moment at a time with help, this is happening. Big breath in and out. Thank you friends who are helping.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose

Dear Life, Yes, it’s come to the mundane subject of sensitive digestive system! When an Atomic Bomb, i.e. intense chemo, gets exploded in your body, you can expect fallout for months. My tastebuds, said, “I love Indian Food. Chicken Korma with Naan”. So gulp, gulp, gulp, yum, yum, yum, sleep, sleep, sleep until 2:00am when my stomach said,
“What the F . . K!”
Eat, Live and Learn. I have an Indian Food hangover today. Please pass the Apple Sauce.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose

Dear Life, As Søren Kierkegaard wisely said: “What matters is to find a purpose, to see what it really is that God (Higher Power) wills that I shall do; the crucial thing is to find a truth which is truth for me, to find the idea for which I am willing to live and die.”
Nesting with love, truth, and purpose.
And A Shout Out to Sting on His 70th Rotation Today!
Yours Truly,Pamela Rose

Dear Life, If you ever wondered what goes on inside of chemo brain, here it is in a nut shell: During my morning writing meditation, I copy word-for word- affirmations from spiritual sources. Yesterday was INNER PEACE however my pen wrote INNER PECANS. I burst out laughing. Thank you Spirit. I realized I needed laughter as much as I need inner peace. I’ll forever seek to embrace the joy of INNER PECANS. NUTS INSIDE AND OUT.I also was lifted in Spirit with Dr. Snyder. We laughed about the craziness of artist’s moving. AND PS:
I am holding up. Slow Recovery. Resilient Body. Willing Mind. Strong Spirit. Lots of help!
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose

Dear Life, August 9th, 2021, I had a “rebirth”. The week prior, my body was chemically reduced to a zero immune state. Then my farmed stem cells were planted back into me via my blood stream. The recovery leaves the patient like a newborn. What do babies do? Sleep, eat, poop, cry, smile, rest, and wiggle around. Repeat as they grow stronger. What do babies need? Care, love, patience, and help. This is my life right now. When I don’t accept it, I suffer the consequences of doing too much: a backslide in my recovery.
I’m praying for acceptance so I can take care of Baby Me and be healthy.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose

Dear Life, Strength and vulnerability reside within me as in nature. As I watch the earth turn from greens to rust, gold, maroon, sierra, and beautiful colors of Autumn, I am reminded: I am changing. Inner and outer. Slowly. I keep rubbing my bald head in hopes of feeling some stubble! My hair is slow to grow back. But it will. My bones and muscles are strengthening, my stem and blood cells are multiplying, my nervous system is finding equanimity, and my Angels are working with me.
Gratitude, rest, action. Repeat… a moment at a time, a day at a time.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose