Dear Life, Packages of gifts are arriving including some from Secret Santas. Holiday cards have been lovingly written and mailed. Writing takes place in the early morning. Seriously good documentaries are being watched in the evening. Game nights with pizza are in the wings. I’m looking to get that new car that can take those road trips but in three week clips due to Clinical Trail schedule. Appointments are being made for Petscan and more tests between Christmas and New Year’s. ho Ho HO. Life is happening within and around me. Tears opened up a river of joy.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose

Dear Life, On Tuesday, the consent forms were signed and I was told, “You are #1 patient in Phase Two of Clinical Trail in the world”. Felt celebratory amongst the staff. I’ll begin treatments in the New Year. Left the Cancer Center happy and went to Southwest Cares to receive Covid shot. The celebration turned explosive from the vaccine. My immune-compromised body went into fever, chills, aches and pains for 24 hours. No sleep. By mid-afternoon I was spent and cried and cried. The tears relieved toxins. Advil with Tylenol relieved the pain. Woke today a new girl. Sleepy but good.
It is so true that a day can make a difference!
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose

Dear Life, At noon today, I meet with Emily, coordinator of Clinical Trail at Cancer Center in Santa Fe, to go over paperwork and sign. At 12:30, I meet Dr Herbert, my new oncologist to discuss everything. I will walk into every room with every professional trusting we are working for the same purpose and as a team. Feeling nervous but hopeful. Something new. I promise to be vertical and to get out of my pj’s by noon! Signing off from the comfort of my cozy, warm bed. Love you all. Thanks for the support.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose

Dear Life, I came across this word last week during all the ups and downs of my medical journey. YUGEN: the profound mysterious sense of the beauty of the Universe and also the beauty of human suffering. Confronted with real suffering (horrible storms due to climate change, cancers due to chemical change, mental illness due to psychic/spiritual change, loss of lives due to Pandemic, Alcoholism, Addiction; the list goes on) I see most humans digging deeper into their hearts, coming up with empathy, compassion, and helping others. I remind myself each morning upon waking, the Human Heart is a beautiful thing, no matter what the conditions. Love and Service Heals.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose

Dear Life, When I was 21 years old and in art school, a sculpture professor told me “You have one of the most 2-dimensional minds I’ve ever met”. I wasn’t much interested in banging on marble or carving wood. My response to his feedback was my final sculpture project: I photographed myself in a white cube creating a 3-dimensional form in space then presented a slide show and photo exhibit. I had been failing the course but he passed me. “Unique”. Recently, my cancer therapist described me as “encapsulated”; not fragmented; in sync with my-Self. In the past and now, I have held my-Self together within an encapsulated spiritual space. I feel safe and protected here. I believe it’s called Grace.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose

Dear Life, My Being lines up holistically while I make art. My hand moves through magazines while my mind catches the images and words that my Spirit wants to message. I am always led to the perfect destination when I trust this process. As in art, so it is in life. My body has been seeking a cancer treatment that lines up with my Heart and Spirit. I am grateful to be aware and conscious of a Higher Power working in and around me, bringing together people, places, and things that line up with my desire to heal and experience quality of life. This matters. The matters of the Heart. Love and Life. We all matter.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose

Dear Life, Shaking my head, I left Denver oncology doctor having heard chemo is no longer a frontline defense against the cancer I have > another cell replacement therapy was offered. I said, “I can’t do another treatment with that level of toxicity”. Made my way to have blood drawn and port flushed then met with Dr Snyder, my Santa Fe oncologist. A miracle was offered: Christus Cancer Center is one of five sites in the world doing a clinical trail with 150 participants that I am eligible and able to do. It is an immunotherapy/vaccine treatment plan. There is hope after hearing a dire prognosis. Plus, I feel my participation serves a greater purpose in finding cures for cancer.
There is light and love and hope in my life.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose

Dear Life, Today, I know all Angels are with me as we give and receive information about diagnosis, prognosis, and treatment options.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose

Dear Life, Tomorrow I have back-to-back appointments with my oncologists (Denver and Santa FE) to discuss prognosis, options for treatment, and quality of life issues. My health advocate is coming with me. When I called her with the schedule (10:00-1:00), she said, “We’re on. Love you to death, sweetheart.” I quickly responded, “Love me to life!” And she graciously replied, “I love the reframe.” Angels are working overtime to line up appointments and are always with me.
Thank you, one and all, for helping me through this topsy-turvy time.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose