Dear Life, I have more affirmations: I want to share life with a partner. Right for one another. All In. I need to care for and be cared for by another. To have a domestic life that is loving, lively, spacious enough for others. Simultaneously a large life and intimate. I write this in bed after a day that saw more tiredness than energy. That’s okay. And I write this after watching a cornball romance movie that had a happy ending. That’s okay, too. Reality: Ear plugs in. Nose and eye drops done. Deep hydration cream on dermatology burn spots. Bandaid between upper lip and nose where burn blister formed and popped. Hoodie and cap on head to keep warm.
Smile. I’m the picture of loveliness. A Goddess In Repose. A dream in waiting.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose

Dear Life, I took a short walk in spite of the smoke. These beauties met me along the way. This is why it is important to keep up daily routines. Walk, meditate, write, collage, paint, stop by a friend’s house to see their garden, go to the nursery to buy a geranium, attend a 12 step meeting. Listen and look around me. These activities help me to be peaceful and know a sense of well-being. Beauty. Nature. Order. Love. Creativity. Life.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose

Dear Life, Yesterday I was told a chemical in my body is rising indicating that my cells are multiplying rapidly to replace cells that are dying. Hopefully cancer cells are dying and being replaced by healthy cells. The immunotherapy drugs I take can also attack muscle/organs and set off cells to multiply abnormally to replace the missing parts. Pet and CT Scans are on May 12th. We will see what’s happening inside this body. I affirm: Cancer cells are dying and being replaced by healthy cells. Please affirm this with me.
Today’s beauty is another display of paint tubs to make multiple paintings.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose

Dear Life, Thankful to see blood counts are holding and/or incrementally going up. This is proof that Immunotherapy is working and the decision to stop chemo drug was right. Today I have several appointments: Eye examination this morning. I have frequent ocular migraines, no pain but prism vision. Need a solution. This afternoon, see oncologist and then receive immunotherapy infusion. This evening, celebrate a dear friend’s 44th Sobriety Anniversary. We can celebrate those blood counts, too! Glad I slept well and feel strong.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose

Dear Life, I moved from NYC to Santa Fe in 1991 for many reasons, one of them being the space where land rolls into vast skies and clouds play. I love this image from yesterday’s road trip through Abiquiu. That one puff cloud. Today begins a week of medical appointments: blood labs, optometrist, oncologist, treatments, dermatologist, therapist. The entire body including my “thinking and feeling” gets thoroughly looked at. It’s a vast landscape, this body and mind, this puff cloud of my life.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose

Dear Life, A friend and I planned a road trip through the Jemez Springs Loop but due to fires we are modifying the route to stay away from the fire zones. Sending positive thoughts and vibes out to all the firefighters, families, earth, and animals being affected by the harsh elements in the southwest: drought, wind and fire.
I love the land of enchantment.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose

Dear Life, A friend sent me this photo taken June 2018 a few months prior to being hospitalized. I had moved into the loft and was traveling. Minor health issues had begun indicating something was going on within my body. But the day this pic was taken, I was blissfully unaware of cancer. I miss my long hair. But with that said, having lost my hair completely twice, I appreciate my new hair with sparkles. It’s growing and so am I.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose

Dear Life, Earth Day. Consciousness of the planet, the biosphere of life, the Universe and the day in 1964 that my “baby” brother, David, was born. Today, I am going to Cafe Fina for brunch with a friend to thank her for taking care of my place while I traveled. Later, I will work in the studio. Collage and paint. I am grateful to be alive, loving my life, and watering the trees around my home. Thank you Body for doing such a great job while traveling. You are a miracle of life.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose

Dear Life, I dig the Claus Oldenburg Sculpture in Rockefeller Center, NYC. Now I’m in Laguardia airport after seeing the sun rise en route. Headed home to Santa Fe after a terrific trip.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose