Dear Life, As Søren Kierkegaard wisely said: “What matters is to find a purpose, to see what it really is that God (Higher Power) wills that I shall do; the crucial thing is to find a truth which is truth for me, to find the idea for which I am willing to live and die.”
Nesting with love, truth, and purpose.
And A Shout Out to Sting on His 70th Rotation Today!
Yours Truly,Pamela Rose
Dear Life, If you ever wondered what goes on inside of chemo brain, here it is in a nut shell: During my morning writing meditation, I copy word-for word- affirmations from spiritual sources. Yesterday was INNER PEACE however my pen wrote INNER PECANS. I burst out laughing. Thank you Spirit. I realized I needed laughter as much as I need inner peace. I’ll forever seek to embrace the joy of INNER PECANS. NUTS INSIDE AND OUT.I also was lifted in Spirit with Dr. Snyder. We laughed about the craziness of artist’s moving. AND PS:
I am holding up. Slow Recovery. Resilient Body. Willing Mind. Strong Spirit. Lots of help!
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose
Dear Life, August 9th, 2021, I had a “rebirth”. The week prior, my body was chemically reduced to a zero immune state. Then my farmed stem cells were planted back into me via my blood stream. The recovery leaves the patient like a newborn. What do babies do? Sleep, eat, poop, cry, smile, rest, and wiggle around. Repeat as they grow stronger. What do babies need? Care, love, patience, and help. This is my life right now. When I don’t accept it, I suffer the consequences of doing too much: a backslide in my recovery.
I’m praying for acceptance so I can take care of Baby Me and be healthy.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose
Dear Life, Strength and vulnerability reside within me as in nature. As I watch the earth turn from greens to rust, gold, maroon, sierra, and beautiful colors of Autumn, I am reminded: I am changing. Inner and outer. Slowly. I keep rubbing my bald head in hopes of feeling some stubble! My hair is slow to grow back. But it will. My bones and muscles are strengthening, my stem and blood cells are multiplying, my nervous system is finding equanimity, and my Angels are working with me.
Gratitude, rest, action. Repeat… a moment at a time, a day at a time.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose
Dear Life, April 1st, 2021, I was re-diagnosed with Aggressive Large Cell Lymphoma and told I needed Stem Cell Replacement Treatment. I asked, “What will happen if we don’t do that treatment?” Answer: “Your body will fail in six months.” Sobering. I booked a flight to CT that day so I could unite with my daughter and visit family. It was a trip that filled me with love and hope to begin the battle for my life. I made it through treatments. Today, six months later and living, a day at a time. I am grateful for my strong Life Force, the medical professionals helping, and the loving community surrounding me with love and support. This is a living dream. It is real. I am recovering.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose
Dear Life, Ask and you shall receive! I needed a washer/dryer for my new home and a dear friend who is also moving said, “I have an extra set. They’re yours. A gift”. Thank you. Then I needed to have the W/D moved. These two friends, my Angel Muscle Men, did the job and sent me this selfie making me laugh out loud. I feel loved and cared for by my community. I’ve been in bed for several days giving my body the deep rest it needs for recovery.
I send love and gratitude to all who are helping on the front lines and everyone sending good vibes. Thank you.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose
Dear Life, Definition of Equanimity: Evenness of mind especially under stress; right disposition; balance. I seek to live within the gifts of balance and peace of mind by being sober, practicing spiritual principles in all my affairs, letting people help me, expressing gratitude, loving myself and others … and eating ice cream, as needed. I’m resting per doctor’s orders. This is being written from the coziness of my bed while I daydream about visiting family and friends in CT, NYC, and Maine.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose
Dear Life, Wise words save me. Having to move next month after being out of the hospital for only 30 days has consumed me so much so that I ended up physically diminished and in bed due to stress and anxiety. We all know moving is a big stressor. How can I do this without detriment to my body? Let’s start with my mind, the speed demon! Mind, please be helpful and quieter. You’re a great worker but I need rest while trusting the Moving Angels and Saints will prepare and move me. The new rental came about in a timely and miraculous way. The move will come about in an equally good way on October 12th. Today, rest, walk, eat nutritious meals, and smile. My Body and Spirit are on board. Mind, you’re invited to snuggle up for this magical ride. I love you. SLOW IS NOT NO.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose
Dear Life, I know how important it is to keep my thoughts positive for the healing of my body. But yesterday blood counts were up and down. Thankfully no transfusions or treatments. I left the Cancer Center, slipping physically and mentally. Doctor repeats “very slow recovery. Have to expect this”. By 5:30, I was a flat tire yet had to pick up keys to new apartment. I could not measure rooms as intended nor eat a take-out meal with a friend. Came home and sank into the couch then bed. Woke praying, “Dear God, My body and mind needs you and your power to heal. You see me and know me better than I know myself. Have mercy.” Thank you God and everyone for your help. I need you.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose
