Dear Life, It’s 18 degrees and lightly snowing. In an hour, I go to Xray Associates for a Pet Scan (2 hour procedure) and at 2:00pm Christus Hospital for a heart monitor that I have to wear for two weeks. Fortunately, I’m filled up on the love and well-wishes sent to me yesterday celebrating my 41st sobriety anniversary. Thank you all for being on this journey with me, a day at a time, an hour at a time.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose
Dear Life, Today, I am grateful to share and celebrate 41 unforgettable years of sobriety. Thank you all for the community, love, support, and wonderful life! Miracle of Grace!
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose
Dear Life, The blood test results: slightly down. This likely puts me in the “no chemo” Clinical Trial group. I will know next Tuesday when more blood tests are seen and I talk with Dr Herbert, my oncologist. I feel grateful for each day. Right now, I’m excited about the opportunity to paint on a large scale. I’ll be working in a friend’s studio while he travels possibly beginning next week. The prospect of stretching my creativity is exhilarating. Inner landscapes. Studio at home will remain active for collage and drawing. Spring Forward.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose
Dear Life, Woke to snow. Blue Angel will be take me to the Cancer Center for blood tests at noon. Just finished a week of chemo meds and will find out how it affected my blood counts. This and other factors will determine what Clinical Trail group I will be in going forward for 22 months. I’m grateful to own a car that loves the snow and that the center is only 10 minutes from my house. Feeling hopeful.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose
Dear Life, Thank you for the outpouring of support. It’s been 21 years since I bought my 2001 Outback. Subaru could use me for an ad. Then again, they wouldn’t be selling too many cars if all their customers were like me! Yesterday, I sold the Outback. It felt weird leaving the White Stallion in another driveway. However, this morning I woke to this Blue Angel outside my door. I am grateful and looking forward to taking a drive north.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose
Dear Life, Yesterday after 2 hours in the chemo suite seat receiving an antibody injection and then 2 hours of paperwork inside the Subaru dealership, the ferocious March wind blew me into the driver’s seat of my 2022 Crosstrek at 6:00pm. That big smile says it all. I happily owned my White Stallion Outback for 21 years and look forward to another 20 years in my Khaki Gray-Blue, Subaru Crosstrek. Manifestation of a dream come true. Thank You! Love Is Out There!
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose
Dear Life, Today, depending on how my antibody infusion goes, I’ll be able to pick up my new Crosstrek. Found out it was “on the truck”; coming in last night. The news pumped my adrenaline so much I emptied out and washed my Outback. It’s for sale. Went to the bank to have down payment ready and called insurance company. I clipped this Subaru ad a couple of years ago and kept it on my art table. Dreams come true. It’s so good to have something non-medical to look forward to: New wheels and road trips. Love Is Out There.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose
Dear Life, Calls come in throughout the day scheduling more medical appointments. I breathe in. Be Grateful. I will receive a second dose of antibodies to prevent Covid. My heart will be monitored. There will be a cardiologist on my team. I’m most excited about getting my hair styled on March 30th by a new hairdresser. I shaved my head last April when it was falling out again during massive chemo treatments in the hospital. It’s an inch long now. And so my life goes and my hair grows, a day at a time, an appointment at a time, a breath at a time.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose
Dear Life, There is a quote from Joan Didion that resounds meaningfully within me:
“Life changes fast. Life changes in an instant. The ordinary instant”.
I can point to several “instances” when my life changed fast and forever. Today, I reconcile “expectations and reality” while I integrate a “new normal” that is not wholly defined by any one part of me. My life embodies many parts that play with one another. Artist, friend, mother, daughter, sibling, recovering alcoholic/addict, cancer patient, member of global community, mentor, spiritual warrior.
The journey is mine to live each day in the ordinary instant.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose
