Dear Life, Black ink drawings began when I found out I was eligible for Clinical Trial. This week begins with extensive blood work today then tomorrow, an appointment with Clinical Trial oncologist, Dr Herbert, to find out results of scans and tests, along with what “arm” of Clinical Trial I’m going to be in. Treatment will start. More to be revealed as I receive information and begin. Thank you for your love and support.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose

Dear Life, It is the first day of the New Year 2022. I made this collage with many messages, visible as well tucked into secret places to be found as the eye wanders with ease around the surface, edges, and underneath. Just as it does in Life and Love.
My 2022 affirmation: LIVE WITH EASE, WANDER, AND CURIOSITY AS I FOLLOW MY HEART. Wishing everyone a day and a year of life in many colors with ease, wander, and curiosity following your heart.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose

Dear Life, I woke early and reflectively wrote in my journal. It’s been quite a year and two. Some how the ink could not inscribe words about 2021 without referencing 2020: 1/14/20 Diagnosed with Lymphoma. On the same day, an email from my daughter after 51 years of being apart due to releasing her for adoption. World goes upside down and then righted again. Mother Love propels me upright through the death of a dear friend and chemotherapy for 6 months into a “cancer-free” zone for 10 months. The pandemic arrived in early 2020, affecting the global family. No travel. Many deaths. Scientists rush to find a vaccine. They do and thus begins another political divide: to vaccinate or not. Turmoil in medicine and politics. January 2021, sees Washington in an unprecedented upheaval as radical protesters storm the “House” where 2020 election results are being verified. Loss of life. Pandemic rages on. Biden steps up as President. And Trump flies to Florida saying, “It was rigged.” I get more tests and on April 1st, 2021, get the results: Cancer is back and aggressive; next treatment requires lots of chemo and Stem Cell Replacement. On 4/2/21, I fly to CT in order to reunite with my daughter, Tracy. The arms of happiness and joy embrace us for the next week of visits. I meet her children, visit Rose, my 90 year old mom, family, and friends. 4/8/21 back to Santa Fe and then Denver for a battle for my life. The summer of 2021 was the hardest time of treatment I’ve experienced. Home again to Santa Fe in mid-September, I recuperate and prepare to move. October finds me in a new neighborhood and cozy apartment. November brings the news, Stem Cell Replacement failed although I am still here so not entirely. December brings a miracle: I am now #1 patient in the world of Phase Two Clinical Trail that will begin in January 2022. Phew! I smiled, laughed, and cried while living all this and writing this morning.
The year gave me many new experiences but nothing greater than a new experience of love. You are all participating. I thank you with love and gratitude.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose

Dear Life, January is front loaded with many medical appointments. Yesterday, the chemicals from Tuesday’s scans pulsed within and out of me through many tears. I am told, “Cry. It releases the toxins.” Release the fear, grief, and sadness that comes along with all of this… living. Most of us have these same feelings as we live through a pandemic. So many people have my back. I feel it. Your love holds me together on my vulnerable days when I stay inside, rest, play my Scrabble app and watch movies. Many days, I am upright, in the studio and may even have a visit with a friend. Today, is one of those days that I get to visit an artist friend’s studio. Bundle up and enjoy every minute!
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose

Dear Life, Made it through all the scans and am now glowing in the dark! I’m allergic to Iodine, the dye used to help see imaging. We found this out during hospitalization Nov 2018. A male nurse with very long hair (who only talked about wanting and failing to be a rock star) insisted I drink the Iodine Kool-Aid. I said while drinking, “I’ve had bad reactions to Iodine.” Minutes later, I was projectile vomiting all over his blues. Severe headache followed as I was rolled into radiology. Not a fun day. Since 2018, “Allergy to Iodine” is written on my charts. But yesterday, it became an issue again. Discussion about Clinical Trial “protocols” made me very nervous. Fortunately ALLERGY IODINE was noted and respected. Next Tuesday, I meet with oncologist to hear results and how we proceed. Thank you all for being with me on this roller coaster.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose

Dear Life, Winter has made an entrance to Santa Fe covering the mountaintops and wind blowing crisp, cold air. I am enjoying my cozy place with the Dual Inverters blowing warmth into every room. I’m staying home today fasting because tomorrow at 8:00am, I brave the cold for yet another look at my insides, “an eyes to thighs” Petscan. The whole process takes about two hours: first an infusion that takes an hour for the chemicals to go through my system while I sit quietly in a dark room. After that, it’s onto the moving table and into the cold, dark, long tube with a mask on for 30-45 minutes. Only once did I feel really panicked trying to breathe. My mind said, “Remember to meditate, breathe in and breathe out with ease”. Today and tomorrow and everyday.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose

Dear Life, What keeps me living in a state of gratitude? With the end of the year coming up, I read many “pitches” from spiritual and book sites suggesting the exercise, “Pretend you had one year, one day, one hour, to live. What would you do?” It’s not possible for me to live conceptually, to pretend. We all have an expiration date and no one knows what that date is so why pretend. I am living. This moment. This is it. This is my best day, best hour.
And I love the little things that make it so.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose

Dear Life, Christmas morning. Quiet time to look at all the photos taken this past year capturing moments of a life filled with love and beauty. Also many first time events such as the reunion with my daughter Tracy and meeting her children. A miracle. No matter what life threw at me, I stood side-by-side with loved ones and we walked forward into the unknowns linked in love. My love and gratitude go out to you all.
You are my gift for all seasons.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose

Dear Life, While my family in Connecticut prepares for tonight’s feast and gift wrapping fight, a light snow covered the ground and all is looking good for Santa and his Reindeer. Here amongst the pinon and juniper of Northern New Mexico, snow is in the mountains while it drizzles on the city of Santa Fe but, I, the forever optimist, hope to wake tomorrow to a white wonderland. I believe in miracles and wonders and light and love.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose