Dear Life, On 05.21.1949, The marriage of Louis Markoya and Rose Toth started the family I was born into. Louis Jr, was born 01.01.1951. I followed on 05.23.1953. My parents and older brother were my first influencers, for better or worse. Loving and complex, as all families, building my bones for life. Dad passed away in July 2014 but Rosie is still rolling strong in her 90’s. Louis is one of the genius artists of our times. And I am grateful for their influence in helping to form the unique person I am today. Yours Truly, Pamela Rose
Dear Life, Male influencers are in my life creatively and this is one. We met in 2017 over a meal with friends in Santa Fe. He was on a cross country motorcycle trip. Life kicked me from under the table and handed me a new journey: We became “pen pals” between 2018-2020 on nearly a daily basis. We continue to correspond on a less regular basis. Lives change. He is a brilliant writer and imaginative artist who lifts my spirit and work. Communicating solely through letter-writing is a lost art form. I am grateful for the many letters of thoughtful and provocative ideas exchanged on numerous topics that deepened my curiosity, perceptions, and insights. One novel he’s written, Love In The Time of Cancer, was a teacher for what was to come in my life. Thank you James for your presence in the world. May everyone get to read your pages and Voice Beyond Measure. Yours Truly, Pamela Rose
Dear Life, I’ve had extraordinary experiences in my 60+ years on the planet. (Coming up to a birthday soon). Meeting Sting on 09.04.1996 during his Mercury Falling Tour has been one. When we met, it felt like old souls reuniting. That connection never extinguishes. That same year, he wrote a song for my former brother-in-law who had AIDS, “Let Your Soul Be Your Pilot”. That song inspires me. Could have been written for me today. Which is what makes Sting a masterful songwriter. Universal Timeless Spirit and Connection. To my friend, the Troubadour, out there on the road today sharing his Voice Beyond Measure. Yours Truly, Pamela Rose
Sting’s words from an interview: “A friend of mine has AIDS, and it’s a privilege to be around him because he has turned a corner and every moment to him is charged with meaning. He’s so aware all of the time, and so he inspired ‘Let Your Soul Be Your Pilot’. It’s a song about death, or dealing with death in a way that offers some sort of hope. I actually think it’s quite an uplifting song – the intent is for it to be uplifting.” Q magazine, 05/1996
Dear Life, The science of medicine and oncology is complex. I will give the cliff notes of my reports. Good news: the cancer is shrinking and lymph nodes are normal. Let’s all celebrate! Other news: I don’t have a head cold. There’s a cloud in my lungs. Instead of scheduled immunotherapy treatment yesterday, I was put on three weeks of steroids. The clinical trail experimental medicine can have side effects. We are watching what is happening in my lungs. I’m living in NM where there’s smoke in the air. My compromised body is doing it’s best to manage everything. I asked Oncologist, “When can I go on summer vacation?” We laughed. A window of joy opened yesterday upon hearing “cancer is receding.” Love those words! Yours Truly, Pamela Rose
Dear Life, I meet at 9:30 with Dr Herbert to discuss the reports from scans and bloodwork. It’s been a challenging few weeks because I’ve been down with cold/virus yet today we’re looking at the bigger health issues of Lymphoma. Then I receive Immunotherapy infusion treatment. Truthfully, I feel like pulling the covers over my head and not leaving bed but I know I have to show up. So get into the shower, get dressed, and be on time. Show up with gratitude for the help I receive. Yours Truly, Pamela Rose
Dear Life, Woke to an eerie sky. Smoke and clouds. Heat and wind. Not a healthy air quality. Throat dry and eyes burn. The only thing falling from above in many regions is ash. The instinct of “creatures” is to flee when fire threatens. I think this is setting up all kinds of neurological and physical responses. Hard to carry on with “life as usual”. There is nothing usual about this. Yours Truly, Pamela Rose
Dear Life, I feel like a space creature from the moon after two weeks of essentially living in bed. Healing the head cold/virus is slow going due to compromised immune system. However, looking at this collage, I see on May 18, 2020, I was in the hospital, so I’m grateful for my strange existence in my home “bubble” rather than in the hospital. There’s a little bit of uptick in energy and a glimmer of hope that my body is turning a corner. Hopefully, I will return to earth-living in the very near future. Happy Full Moon, Friends Yours Truly, Pamela Rose
Dear Life, Two weeks in bed with all the symptoms of Lymphoma and the oncologist said yesterday, “you have a head cold”. My tragic mind had gone to Covid, ruled out by test and cancer progressing ruled out by bloodwork. I felt relieved and embarrassed. Drink lots of fluids, take decongestants to move infection out of head, throat and stomach, and rest, rest, rest. Doctor sent me up to chemo suite for an infusion of Saline. I went from “OH My GOD I’m actually afraid of dying” to “PRM get out of drama and in the life flow of being relieved and healing”. The oncologist said” This is the first cold you’ve had since cancer”. It’s like I am a baby and everything is a “first time” and feels big. Yours Truly, Baby PRM WHAH
Dear Life, This statement by Dr Nina Shah says a whole lot:
“One cell got really selfish and decided it needed to take up all the resources of everybody else (cells), and in doing so, took up space and energy from the rest of the body”.
This feels accurate inside of my body. Energy gets zapped. Strength and appetite diminishes. Cancer and treatments, especially chemotherapy, create “brain fog”. Each day with few exceptions, I have risen up to meet this formidable foe to-to-toe. I am on the rise today. Some of you have thanked me for the “education”. I knew so little about cancer before I was diagnosed so I’m passing on a little knowledge and experience. Thank you all for sending energy my way. I feel it. Yours Truly, Pamela Rose
Pamela Rose Markoya 