Dear Life, Dr Herbert told me the immunotherapy infusion drug is overworking and creating the cloud in my lungs. The schedule of treatments is being rearranged and we will see what results from that. Clinical Trails involve experimentation. I trust this process. Prednisone will be tapered off this week. I saw Radiologist in his dark sci-fi screening room where he sits in a zero-gravity chair looking at multiple large screens and computer all-day. We pulled up my past and present imaging. He walked me through the imaging and reports. Cancer is tenacious but so am I. This amazing body is too. There is great improvement.
I share this with you with such a grateful heart and body.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose

Dear Life, 9:00 appointment with Dr Herbert, Oncologist then see Radiologist to go over recent PET scan/chest x-ray. Information gives me roadmaps for my self-care. I have a team that helps me. I made this collage HAIRSTORY in honor of my hair and good, old friends, my wigs, who are in storage now. It’s liberating. Hair tells its own cancer story, ask anyone who has undergone chemo treatments and lost their hair. My story today is I’m grateful for the new dark wavy locks flourishing atop my noggin.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose

Dear Life, My arm will be willingly poked and blood drawn at noon. Results return within a half hour online. Always grateful for the efficient turn around and caring nurses. My hair has grown with health and waves letting me pack up my five wigs that have served me so well for two years. I’ll bring them to storage. Big smile. While at storage, I’ll say hello to my belongings and get some summer clothes. Also a new-old office chair I own to see if it’s the right chair for the right space. Green Herman Miller that I had in loft. Excited to see if it fits at Webber Street. Hoping to eat take-out Chicken Salad Sandwich with a friend who is helping me today. We’ll see how the day rolls out. Have a good one!
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose

Dear Life, I am grateful beyond words for the refuge within me, the quiet still place I can retreat, breathe, be present and, no matter what, know and trust, all is well. Faith is a habit best practiced daily. When I’m low on faith, I turn to my Fueling Stations, always available. If I need more help, I turn to inner circle people for love and support. Today the divine plan is to eat pancakes with my dear friend Carole from CT and show her my “home”. I promised I would be at the SF RailYard Station at 9:40am showered and with civilian clothes on. Happy and excited!
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose

Dear Life, I made this collage with the idea of how my Life Force not only fuels me but how I refuel my Life Force. The Elements, Art, Books, and Nature are mandatory. Sun on my skin; feet in sand whether desert or ocean surf; reflection of light on the edge of an aspen leaf or prancing across an adobe wall. Look up outside. Anytime time day or night. Vast sky scapes offer unlimited fuel stations for the Soul. Gaze inward. Expansive landscape of untold wonders and resources. High Power. Really look right into the eyes of who is near you. When needed, a much needed lift comes from a friend or stranger. And they are fueled, too. Many, many more from an unlimited Source: The Creator.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose

Dear Life, Read this article written by Mark Nepo and share:

“How we face and absorb the rearrangement that arises out of loss is a very personal journey that can’t be compared to anyone else’s”.

Identify not Compare. A value system from and for living sober over 41 years. I can learn to live in my rearrangements and be a witness to others with a compassionate heart. Losses come in death, violence, divorce, disease, age and health, economy and multitudes of experiences. Living with cancer is a rearrangement. It’s real. It’s very personal. It demands everything of me and challenges everything. I learn to open my heart, go a step forward, or back two, and live in the personal journey I share (mostly) here with you. Thank you for being my witnesses.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose

Dear Life, This watercolor flowed from the new brushes and paint yesterday. I sat down at the art table, entered “the zone” of joy and dare I say, bliss. Thank you Joseph Campbell, one of my heroes who advocated “Follow Your Bliss”. My intention for 30 days is to see what appears on the page as my Heart moves to images of Spirit and Nature. I’m looking at the Transcendentalists and flower books. Also the “reverse-glass painters”, of which there are only a handful. Rebecca Salbury James (1891-1968. Also, Claire Libin who lives in Tesuque). Their work can be seen online through web sites and social media. They inspire. Feeling my creative Life Force and we know how healing that is. Enjoy!
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose

Dear Life, My ashen skin is turning to human neutral with a pink blush. Heartening. My legs are carrying me through the neighborhood for 1-2 mile walks. Invigorating. My creative energy sat down at the art table and made this collage on 5.31.22. Promising. My stomach cooperates with bland food so I am become the Julia Childs of mashed root vegetables or pasta with butter, cream and parmesan. Delicious. My eyes awake at 3:00am (prednisone has turned my sleeping schedule upside-down) either write or read. Current book May Sartons’ AS WE ARE NOW. Good companionship. I fed two friends red-ripe, sweet watermelon when they spontaneously stopped by yesterday. Wealth of community. I wake at 6:00am to read, meditate, journal and write a Love Letter. Nourishing.
I nap 10:00am – noon, wake, and start the day over. A new life.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose

Dear Life, I worked on a book project, FLOWERS, by Virginia Dwan and her curator, Anne Kovach, for years that was published by Radius Books in 2018. Virginia and I traveled throughout the country to Federal Military Cemeteries and she photographed the graves. Her title was simply FLOWERS and the only text is Pete Seeger’s song tile: “Where have all the flowers gone?” A profound experience reflected upon each Memorial Day. Virginia Dwan is a visionary and humanitarian.
I am grateful for Virginia’s presence and influence in my life.
Yours Truly, Pamela Rose